Goodbyes

A friend once told me that we aren't meant to say goodbye to one another. He is right and I am looking forward to a day when I wont have to do it anymore.

The week before Heather and I left the orphanage we spent as much free time with the kids as possible. I was never in my room for very long unless I was packing. I spent my time with the kids, or with some of the other people who lived on the campus, during every free moment I had. We played in the irrigation ditch and took the kids on adventures and by the time it got to Sabbath night (my last day at Bangla Hope) I was exhausted. We had a birthday party for all the kids who had birthdays in March that evening and I was helping clean up everything. I walked to the kitchen to throw away something when I saw our faithful kitchen lady. We couldn't really communicate with each other but we would always ask each other how we were doing (in Bangla. She didn't know any English). I went up and gave her a huge hug and she wouldn't let go of me. Her grip around me was tight and by the time she released me I saw that she was crying. She didn't know how to express her feelings so she just kept stroking my head and back. She would tell me "Tumi balo may..Ami duquito (I am sad you are leaving.. you are a very good girl)". It was all I could do to regain my composure after our fair-well and walk out to the other room where the kids were watching a movie.
             As the kids began to realize that these were the last moments they could spend with me they began to surround me. I sat in a chair watching the Million Dollar Duck trying not to become emotional when I looked down and noticed that Sheba was on my lap. She usually didn't sit on me because she is a pretty big girl and I usually have Noah occupying that space. I was thankful that Sheba was so close to me. (I finally broke and acquired a favorite kid at the orphanage and she was it). She kept watching the movie but every few minutes or so she would turn around and hug me. She would rest her cheek on my shoulder for another few minutes and then become overly curious about what was going on behind her.
It began to sink in that after tomorrow morning I wouldn't be able to hold her anymore and I had to fight back tears.
          By the time the movie ended I was just bawling. I couldn't even try to keep my composure.
I went outside and just started hugging kids. I felt bad because I know that many of them started crying because I was crying but it was impossible to stop. I went around kissing all my little boys goodnight for the last time. We did our last rituals of "I love you 10, 80, infinity, pie, 99, 100" before I tucked their mosquito nets in and left. From there I went to the girls room where they were going crazy like always and I started hugging them goodnight. Sheba was the main one that kept hugging me and I was thankful that she kept coming up and holding on to me. Many of the girls were just crying and there was nothing I could do but hug them. Heather and I said goodnight until 11 pm (we kept them up an extra 3 hours) and then we dragged our exhausted bodies up to the 4th floor to finish packing.
          The next morning we woke up at 5:30 to our doorbell ringing. Heather opened the door as I just laid in bed and the next thing I knew Metali, Jenny, and Kakoli had crawled under my bug net and were cuddled next to me bawling their eyes out. Before I actually got up there were about 6 kids on my bed (and by on my bed I mean they were on top of me haha). Heather and I quickly began doing our last minute packing with 30 to 40 kids running around our apartment. It was pretty crazy and very difficult to move around but it was how we wanted to spend our last hour, with them.
         Finally everything was packed and we made our way down the stairs for the last time. We all met at the tree down by the gate and said our last goodbyes. We jumped in the back of the pickup and as we drove away I could see the kids press their faces against the fence looking at us for the last time. Everything in me just wanted to jump out and run to them and tell them that me leaving was all some big joke (it was April fools day). As they all slipped into the distance I watched the sunrise for the last time in Bangladesh. With tears in my eyes I thanked God for the opportunity that He had provided.
       God brought me to Bangladesh to teach me so many things. He has refined me and made me more like Him through the struggles that I was forced to face. When I first arrived at Bangladesh I asked God why he had brought me there. He informed me that He was going to teach me about love; His Love in particular. I argued at first because I felt like that was something I already knew. God is Love is something that everyone knows and is the first thing that most Christians are taught. However, God kept telling me that this is the biggest thing that He was teaching me. God showed me how to Love people with all my heart and how to give until it hurts. He showed me the joy of making a child who never really smiled become one of the happiest children. I was privilege to be called mom by many of the kids and to be a best friend to people who worked at Bangla Hope. I know that saying goodbye isn't something that God had planned for us but through the painful process it shows a small fraction of how much God loves and aches over us. Saying goodbye is one of the hardest things to do but we know that there will be a day when we don't have to say goodbye anymore. There will be a day where we won't feel that sting anymore and where I can see my kids all grown up in Jesus. 

These are My Kids!

Here is an excellent video that my friend Calvin made when he came to Bangla hope a few weeks ago.

http://vimeo.com/39122498

Also, I ask that you keep Lauren, Sarah-Kate, and Danielle in your prayers as they make their way to Dhaka tomorrow. They are leaving on Wednesday night to fly all the way back to America.

Thank you!

Little Adventures

All of my walking buddies had left the country. At first this depressed me because my daily walks were part of the reason that I could keep my sanity. If I didn’t have them then I would be on the same small campus everyday for what could seem like an eternity. I decided that the best solution to this problem would be to go on walks with kids. This proved to be the best and most entertaining way for me to keep my sanity!            
             One time we went out to this village and were having fun swinging from the roots of a banyan tree! Some of the roots are tied together at the end to create swings and so we spent some time just swinging around like monkeys. Finally we decided that it would be a good idea to walk around the village more. Before I knew it we were ambushed with about 20 villagers who thought I was some sort of doctor. One man came up to me with 6 fingers  on one hand and asked me to cut off the extra one. I examined the 6^th finger like I knew what I was doing (because the man made me). It was squishy and added character to the guy.. don’t know why he wanted to cut it off. I told the people over and over again that I was a teacher and not a doctor but it didn’t matter, they still wanted me to cut off fingers and fix peoples eyes! I finally got away telling them that our nurse would be back in 2 weeks and she could tell them more information.  I haven’t gone back there since.
             Another time I took Metali and Moni out to this tree. We went off the road onto this little path that went through the rice fields. We ended up by this big pond with a tree that stood alone looking rather majestic (and climbable). The first thing I did was run towards it with open arms and I started climbing up. Moni and Metali looked at me as if I was crazy for a minute and then they eagerly fought over who would get to climb up first. When we were done climbing and on our way down the tree a woman appeared from around a mound of dirt. She was walking her goat when she started yelling at us. I was mortified because I had probably offended her by climbing her god. I asked Metali to apologize to her as I scrambled down the tree but what she did next made me laugh hysterically. Since I was already up in the tree she wondered if I would knock some branches down for her goat to eat. Essentially she wanted me to tear down her god so that her goat could eat it. The whole situation was quite humorous. After I had gotten down she asked me why I didn’t fear the “tree” god. I tried to explain that I worship one God.. and it wasn’t a tree. I don’t think she understood but Metali did her best to explain what Adventist are. I hope we got her curious so that she’ll come visit Bangla Hope in the future.
             There are so many fun and weird things that have happened on our adventures. We have caught frog and tadpoles, run through the rice paddies, swung from trees, caught run away cows and eaten fruit that tastes like wood. Each day that I go on these little adventures creates many bonding moments with the individual kids I take. When I’m back in America I think that these little adventures are going to be what I hold onto when I think about my kids back in Bangla Hope.

I can’t believe I have less than 2 weeks! 

The Epic Life of a Christian

I have spiritual A.D.D. 

Everyday I try to bring myself closer to my Savior but I get stuck in ruts where I rely on myself rather than the power that comes from God alone. I’ve been stuck in that rut the last 2 months. I have not missed a day of reading my Bible and I have made a constant effort to pray but after evaluating my spiritual life last night I realized something horrible. I am neither hot nor cold. I have reached this place of complacency where I have not let the Holy Spirit take complete control of me so that I may shine forth to anybody and everybody.  I try to keep my eyes fixed on God but then something distracts me in my own life (hence the A.D.D. part). Then I am stuck praying and focusing on my own problems and I forget about how AWESOME my God is! And when my eyes slip from looking at God to looking at myself.. my passion goes away with it.
             The beautiful aspect of this problem of spiritual A.D.D. that I have is that God is continually fighting to have a relationship with me (how exciting is that)! He knows exactly where my heart is and it must pain Him to see me struggle over things that He could take if only I offered them up to Him completely.  However, God keeps working patiently with me to renew my love for Him and my desire to serve him completely once again.
             I write this because I know that many people come to this place in their spiritual life. The “first love” feeling is gone but they desperately want to be close to the Savior. Yet their hearts (and Satan) have led them to focus on themselves and the problems they face in this world. I write this because I believe in being completely passionate about God and telling everyone about it but sometimes we need to be awakened from our spiritual sleep so that we can rise up and fight off the Devil’s attacks and tell the world about our new lives in Jesus. Our lives as Christians are actually pretty epic if you think about it (hard but totally epic)! Every morning we wake up to a battle for our souls. Jesus vs. Satan. Some days we fight using our own strength and by noon we have lost and are overwhelmed by the struggles of our everyday lives. But if we choose Christ and put on His armor we have already won. The only way to keep on winning the battle is to continually put your life in Jesus’ hands (I know, easier said than done). 
             I am going to be a missionary in America in 3 weeks. This morning God has awakened my outlook to see that my biggest desire in life is Him and He has filled me once again with the untamed longing to tell everyone about Him and His glory. My prayer is that God is putting that longing in you as well. Jesus is coming again soon and I believe that with every fiber of my being. The world is full of people who are looking for Jesus (even if they don’t realize it yet) and that is so much bigger than any problem that I am facing.  

“The less you cherish self the more distinct and full will be your comprehension of the excellence of you Savior. The more closely you connect yourself with the source of light and power, the greater light will be shed upon you, and the greater power will be yours to work for God. Rejoice that you are one with God, one with Christ, and with the whole family of heaven.” The Desire of Ages pg 528

Water Fights and Cricket!

It is starting to get hot here! It isn’t quite as bad as when I first arrived but the heat still wraps around me and makes me rather uncomfortable.  The other day it was particularly hot and we still had the long agonizing hour before dinner where my stomach wont let my mind focus on anything else. I was trying to figure out what I should do to keep my mind off of food and being hot when I thought of water balloons. My friend Calvin had bought balloons in the Indian shop for such a time as this. I ran over to where he is staying and I looked through the screen door and asked, “Water fight?” Eagerly he agreed and we rushed to begin filling up balloons and placing them in two large buckets. Half of the balloons had holes or look like they would pop if you touched them (that’s what you get for having Bangladesh balloons).
             When both buckets were filled to maximum capacity we decided it was time to figure out how to execute our mission. We gathered all the other SM’s and decided that I would take a water bottle and pretend like I was lecturing the kids for doing something bad. I got a bunch of them to sit by the outside faucet and then when I saw that Calvin and Lauren were bringing the buckets full of water balloons I would dump my 1.5 liters of water on the unsuspecting kids (thus initiating the water fight).  It was hilarious to see the shocked faces of the kids as Chantel Teacher spilled her water bottle all over them. Then their faces turned toward the buckets full of water balloons and they knew they were trapped! After that we spent 15 min running around throwing balloons, filling up buckets, spraying them with a hose, and simply laughing.  Afterward some of the girls came up to us and said that it was their laundry day and they didn’t have any clothes to change into –oops! Haha. Don’t worry, they found clothes to change into!
             After we cleaned up it was time for dinner and afterwards Tim suggested that we go for a walk. We decided that we would walk to the Banyan tree. This is the tree that we walked to quite often because it is so large and majestic! There are huge bats that live among its branches and the local Hindu villagers worship it. We arrived and notice some village kids playing cricket underneath the tree. Since Calvin is from Australia he knew how to play so he jumped in while Heather, Tim, and I observed. I wanted to jump in and play but I didn’t know how they would react to a girl playing. Eventually I found myself with the cricket bat in my hand and although I had no clue what I was doing I stepped up to hit the ball. The first ball was bad and the second one I missed. The third pitch came and I hit it over all the boys’ heads and almost all of their eyes popped out in amazement. After I was done hitting I went to the outfield. I stood in the perfect spot where all the hits came perfectly to my open hands. I got a couple of the village boys out! I don’t know who was more amazed the village people or me! Eventually the sun began to get lower in the sky and we decided that it was time to head back to the orphanage. I then got to kiss and hug all my lovely children goodnight!

 That was a day that I will always cherish! 

Press On

I am a runner. I love the feeling of my expanding lungs and the way that stress begins to melt away with every step forward.  Normally I run just before sunset so I watch as people rush home to make their dinner and spend time with their loved ones. My runs always end with a walk where I just look at the beautiful setting sun that God has given me. I am runner that hasn’t run in over 5 months. Yet because of my love for it I love the way that Paul relates our Christian life to a race. We are pushing forward in our lives to reach Heaven, which is our ultimate goal.  I also relate my trip in Bangladesh to a race.
             The last few days I have run empty. I felt like a sponge that had been lying out in the sun and yet someone was still trying to squeeze water out of me. I wanted to be with the kids but there was no strength or energy of my own left to give. It was like I was running a marathon and I was on mile 23 but my legs wouldn’t move anymore. I wanted to spend time with the kids but somehow it left me more drained rather than pumping me up like it normally does. It took me a while to realize that I was running on my own energy and that just wasn’t cutting it.  I was at the point where I felt like I had to drag myself through the last month of this trip and that wouldn’t be very pretty. Don’t get me wrong, I love the kids and I love being with them. This trip has been wonderful and I know that once I get home I’m going to want to get on a plane back to Bangladesh. But when you are in a down moment (where you can compare yourself to a dry sponge) you can only think about the positive things that are waiting for you back in America.
             The New Testament gives us some pretty encouraging words in Hebrews 12:1 “Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross.” Later verses tell us that He did this so that we will not “grow weary and lose heart.” In order to finish the race that lies before us we need to look toward Jesus so that we do not become wayward in our path. That is what I choose to do today and the results made me praise Jesus (for He is always good)!
             Tonight, after re-giving Jesus my last month, I stayed with the girls until it was there bed time. I call that an accomplishment. They are usually so crazy that I end up going to the boys rooms or just spending time with my roommates. I swear they take sugar pills right before we go in there to say goodnight. But tonight rather than feeling like a sponge where I was giving all that I could but nothing was happing; I felt as if they were supplying water and filling me back up with the way they loved me back.
             It would be easy for me to grow weary or lose heart in this trip but I choose to do what Paul tells us in Philippians 3:14 when he says, “I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” Just as in our Christian life we need to press on, I need to do that here at the last part of this amazing adventure in my life.

Last month in Bangladesh-Here we GO! 

Beautiful Change

Everything is beginning to change. I look across the landscape and I can see fields covered with water and tiny rice plants. Mosquitoes are buzzing around and the sun is starting to stay in the sky a little bit longer. I am usually not good with change and would prefer everything to stay comfortably where it is but at the moment I am kind of enjoying the refreshing scene of something different. In many other ways the days are beginning to reflect a similar pattern (for the time being). I wake up for a walk with Kerri and Bob, eat breakfast, teach, lunch break, teach, and hang out with kids. When I’m not out with the kids or working I am in my room laughing hysterically with my roommates. I’m so glad that God brought those two on this trip with me. Although we are different we all have similar sarcastic humor and we find ourselves laughing quite often.
             The kids in my class crack me up too. Sometimes they are too much and I have to pray for the Lord to get me through till lunch but those are exceptions. I have four boys and nine girls in my class. The boys are the most dramatic little things I’ve ever seen. Johnny sings all the time, do you know how hard it is to get a kid in trouble for singing Jesus songs? Matthews’s pants always seem to be falling off and he tends to cry when he doesn’t get his way. Bart locked me out of the class room the other day (he didn’t get recess after that little stunt) and Marc… well he’s adorable and probably the most stable of all the boys. Most of the girls are just well behaved perfectionists that behave while I get the boys in trouble.  I have this one little girl name Ahki who doesn’t speak English at all. It is rather comical for me to try and interact with her we usually just pretend like we understand each other. I just really enjoy my kids. I know that soon I won’t be able to be with them anymore.
             As the change is quickly approaching I find myself attempting to just enjoy the moment. I want to hold on so tightly to the setting suns and crisp morning air. Soon three of the girls will be leaving for a trip to Thailand, and then Heather is traveling to Ethiopia, and the Waid’s to Nepal. The last part of my trip will be full of different evenings where I’m not quite sure what I’ll do for entertainment. The air will become hot and stuffy. And my roommates are going to be gone for a good majority of the time. It is all going to be very different.
             Although everything is changing I must admit that I have changed the most… and it is all for the better. God is beginning to show me that change might not be as horrific as I had previously conceived. Change has the possibility of being something beautiful.

Update: Tisha has officially finished her last injection. I had to hold her down a few more times while she got her shots but after Bob told her she would get ten taka every time she didn’t cry.. she stopped crying (good ole bribing). She got 80 taka by the end of the week. I’m proud of her.
As for the rest of us we don’t have typhoid but we are all coughing like crazy. At night it is like we have surround sound of coughing. Thank you all for your prayers!