Learning

The other day while we were on a walk we realized that we have almost been gone a month. All of us remarked on how fast it had gone by and yet so much has happened in this last month. I ask the question, “I wonder if the next 5 months will go by fast or slow?” Bob looked at me and said, “Oh, I am sure that it will go by much faster.”
             Today we have officially been gone for a month and I don’t know how I feel about these next 5 months going by fast. In one way I am excited because I will see my family soon but I will also have to leave Bangladesh, which is beginning to feel like a home. It means that I will have to leave these children and possibly (most likely) never see them again. Sometimes when I have a moment to just sit down and relax I just think of how happy I am to be here at the present time. I cannot express how much I love seeing the kids and walking around the village and I’m beginning to enjoy teaching. It allows me to be a goof ball in front of the kids and they don’t seem to care at all! They have taught me so much and so has this whole trip in general.
             On my way back from Dhaka I began a list of things I have learned since I have arrived in Bangladesh:
              1. God really does have people in every religion (hindu and muslim) who may not hold                   the truth yet but are honestly and earnestly seeking the true God.
             2. People are more afraid of change than almost anything else.
             3. When you give your fears, desires, and burdens to God you truly do receive peace that passes all understanding.
             4. Family is the most beautiful thing that God created. They support you; even when you are 10,000 miles away.
             5.Children can never receive too much love.
             6.You can’t always be right so you should be willing to laugh at yourself when you’re wrong.
             7. Things don’t always happen the way you plan or want them to happen. But when God’s in control they always work out the way they are suppose to.

             I’m going to be honest and say that this experience hasn’t been what I was expecting but it has already helped me grow in so many ways. God has been shaping me so that I will be able to more effectively serve Him here and when I return home. He has comforted and strengthened me through this whole month and He will continue to do it! I received a small package from WWU today. It mostly had reading material and a few other things. There were so many comforting words in it from people at College and from the people in the Mission’s office. I looked at the day that they had sent it: October 13, 2011. That was one of the hardest days that I had here and that was the day that a package of love was sent my way. God is so good he cares about the small stuff.

A Broken Spirit

Sabbath is beautiful.


            Every time that day comes I know that it is a gift from God. Right now I am sitting on my back porch watching the sunset and the moon rise up in the sky (there is also a snake swimming in the pond). Bangladesh is so beautiful this time of year because of the lush rice fields. In a few weeks they will begin to dry up and soon it wont be as pretty. I’ll enjoy the scenery while it lasts.
             Today was a great day full of adventures and fellowship. Lauren and I were the only ones that showed up to the English Sabbath school that is taught by the Waids. We studied about righteousness by faith and how the time of Jesus coming is getting closer. As I am getting older I am beginning to believe this more and more, Jesus is coming soon to take us all home (I find a lot of comfort in that). We had church and lunch and then we went to the village Sabbath school. This event has become one of my favorite parts of the week. There is something so special about teaching Jesus to kids who have never heard of Him before. Today I told the story of Daniel and the Lions den. When describing that Daniel had been thrown in I asked them, “Do you think that Daniel was alive in the morning?” All of them yelled “nooooooooo.” It was such a surprise when they realized that God had rescued Daniel from the lions and that he didn’t even have a rip in his clothing.  Sometimes I let the stories in the bible become old and I forget about how amazing they really are.
             When we returned from the village Sabbath school I sat down with some of the kids and played. As the days go by I realize more and more how important it is to just love them. Luke came up to me and grabbed my hand. Then he looked at me with anger written all over his face and he said, “Chantel, I love you no. You promised to take me to village school and you didn’t.” I was shocked, earlier in the day he had asked me if he could go and I had told him to ask Ponwell or Grammy if he could go (we usually don’t take the Kindergarten class). After that he let go of my hand and wandered off somewhere to cry for the next 20 minutes. I don’t know what to do with Luke because he has suffered so much damage from his mother giving him up. He demands my strict attention and I desperately want to give him all the attention I can but it is so hard when there are so many other children that need love and attention as well. This isn’t the first time that he has been upset with me and I’m sure it isn’t the last.  It hurts me to see his broken spirit.
             The pain is evident in many of the kid’s faces. You can tell that what has happened in their past has hurt them more than I could ever imagine. Some of them don’t smile that often and others act up in bad ways so that they can get attention. It reassures me that I am needed here; even if it is just to love the kids with all of my heart.
             I don’t know how to handle Luke yet but I’m scared that he is going to drain me because of his temperamental behavior.  He has picked me out to be his “mom” and I let him down all the time and it is crushing me to hurt him. I wont let this ruin my day but it just makes me sad to see the effects of sin. Yes, I take great comfort in knowing Jesus is coming soon to take us home. 



            
            

Content in Bangladesh

"For I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances."  

             Paul tells us in Philippians 4:11 that he had learned to be happy in whatever circumstance he was in. I’ve always marveled at the idea of Paul being happy even while he is in prison, it just doesn’t make sense. However, I am beginning to understand what it is like to be content with where God has placed you in life. The sun is currently going down and Sabbath is approaching and although I miss my family back at home I am so glad that I am here in Bangladesh. I feel like “content” is the only word that I can use to describe how I feel about my current condition.
             I have been sick these last few days and one night while I was laying awake in my bed, feeling miserable, I started thinking that if  my sickness got worse I might have to be sent home. It shocked me to realize that that is the last thing that I want to happen. In the morning when I went on my typical walk I noticed how beautiful it was outside. The fog was beginning to lift off the earth and the sunbeams were beginning to light up the rice fields. As I was walking I felt like God wrapped his arms around me and reminded me that this is where I am suppose to be at the moment… not America. God showed me that there is nothing for me to do in America at current time. 
             Today we went into town after breakfast. It was so much fun! I am beginning to realize that I am getting use to most of the sights around here. It doesn’t bug me that people paint their animal’s highlighter colors to mark which one is theirs (have you ever seen a bright pink chicken?), the men wear skirts, or that people stare at us everywhere we go. However, there are still some things that I will probably never get use to. For example when anyone needs to get flem out of their throat they are not quiet about it at all. They carry the chickens to be eaten by their feet in groups of 6-8 (all of them alive and upside down). The woman just let their urine flow down their Shari’s and the men go wherever they please, not matter whose around. There is this dog that lives by the school whose front leg looks like an accordion because he has been hit by something (all of the dogs are so badly treated here). And the last thing I will never get over are the bugs. They have a saying that when you’re in Bangladesh and you think you feel a bug on you… you have a bug on you.  It is so true! I have a green bug net over my bed but the bugs still get in so I have to fumble around at night and pick them off in the dark. My grandma finds it hilarious that I have to pick dead ants off of my cough drops before I eat them.
             Something I could definitely get use to is the food cooked by our chef Shati! In the morning we generally have Dahl and rice (mixed with wheat for nutrition). Dahl isn’t very good in other places because they make it extremely watery because they are so poor; but when Shati makes it, it is nice and thick. Dahl is a bean they cook and mix with spices. For fruit we get fresh pineapple, pomelo (which is like a huge sweet grapefruit), bananas, pomegranates, coconuts, and the occasional orange! Shati has somehow come to the conclusion that I don’t like her cooking and she always asks me what she should make for dinner so that I wont starve. She doesn’t understand that I have a small stomach that is always stretched more than it ever has been after every meal I eat. I might come back to America fat because the food is so delicious but here fat=healthy!
             The people are also amazing! The kids have stolen my heart and so have the other teachers and workers! Bani came into town with us today as our translator. She is a fun person to shop with because she knows everything about the stores in Hili. I bought a shari today and she taught me how to put my hair up using one chop stick! I definitely could get use to the people!
             I may never get a chance to live in another country for 6 months and experience its culture again. So why would I not be content? I’m ready to live life to the fullest and before I know it I will be home telling all of you about the amazing Bangladeshi people and culture!

Be content with where God has placed you today! He has a plan that is far better than we could even imagine! Whether you are at home with babies, about to head off to work, or even unsure of what the day holds for you, be joyful for what God has planned!  

This is Heather and I on a Rickshaw ride in Dhaka (Heather, Lauren, and I just swapped pictures so I decided to put this up even though it doesn't go with the post)! 

This is Rice (with wheat) and Dahl! It is so yellow because of the turmeric spice. Mrs Waid. always says, "Turmeric is the spice of Bangladesh." 

            

Missionary Forever

             I am finally happy with the idea of being a teacher because it gives me a purpose here in Bangladesh. The only problem I have is that I don’t really have much to go off of. I wasn’t trained by anyone on how to teach 2^nd graders and I was only given two books. The first book is for English and it only contains short stories for the kids to read and the other is a very short book about animals for science. Now I am suppose to take these stories and somehow come up with a curriculum without worksheets, ideas, games, or teacher’s guides. This is my current struggle.  It might be time to raid the school and see what teaching material they are hiding from me.  There are so many things I would have brought if I only knew what I would be doing.
             I love my students even though it has been a struggle to make them pay attention. I’m training them not to stand up and walk around in the middle of class. They seem to be trying to see how much they can get away with but they are beginning to realize that I’m not going to be their playmate while I’m teaching. Reisa was angry with me the first day because I wouldn’t call on her when she would scream “AMI” (bangla for “me”) and start running to the front of the room. Now she is one of the best behaved girls!
             Pat Lundy from my church gave me three boxes of cute band aids to give away to the kids here. A few days ago I dug them out because I had cut myself with scissors (the dull tipped ones, don’t ask how I was capable of doing so much damage with the most pathetic scissors). As soon as I walked out of my apartment the kids began to notice the colorful sticker on my finger. Now whenever the kids get the slightest injury they come running up to me and ask for a Band-Aid. I haven’t decided if I feel like their personal nurse or like the Band-Aid Queen! I think I prefer Band-Aid Queen. Hahah!
             As the days continue to fly by I can tell that God is renewing my strength. It is evident in the way that my sense of humor is coming back; I’m as quirky as ever. God is Good.

I was flipping through a songbook today and I found some very familiar and yet comforting words:

“Oh, to grace how great a debtor,
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let thy goodness, like a fetter
bind me closer still to thee,
Prone to wander, Lord I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love,
Here’s my heart- oh take and seal it,
Seal it for they courts above.”

We are all prone to leave the God we love but I’m determined to continue giving God my heart. My mom told me before I left that I should look into becoming a medical missionary. I’m still not sure about the medical part but I am definitely going to be a missionary forever. I am so excited about being a missionary in America when I get back. There are so many people all around us (not just in Bangladesh) who need Love, a comforting touch, and Jesus Christ! I hope you all take advantage of the fact that you can speak the same language as the people that you are around. It is such a blessing it is to share what God has done in your life. I may be able to love the kids here but there is almost no way of expressing what Jesus has done in my life to the villagers around me.  So for now I will just love the kids with all my heart and continue to follow God’s guiding.

I pray that you all have a wonderful day!
Become a missionary and share what Jesus has done in your life… wherever you are!

It's Not About Me, It's All About Jesus!

“This is where God wants me to be, this is where God wants me to be.” I told myself this sentence over and over again as I let the tears fall down my face. Being a missionary is harder than I though it would be and sometimes the only thing I have to hang onto is the fact that this is where God wants me to be.
             Yesterday was terrible because I let it be terrible. Teaching wasn’t that bad although I fumbled a bit because I had no clue what I was doing and I had time left over at the end (now I am beginning to understand why teachers always gave us busy work).  I haven’t been emotionally stable since I’ve been here. One moment I’ll be so happy that I’m here and the next moment I feel like there isn’t enough work for me to do and it is pointless for me to be here. I was running on my own energy yesterday and by the time I got to the end of the day I was emotionally exhausted and the only thing I felt like I could do to relieve all that was find a place to be alone and let the tears flow. I’m not much of a crier but when I do it is really pathetic.
             Finally I realized that I couldn’t do it on my own and I had completely pushed out Jesus, the only one who could give me enough strength to get through this life. By then it was bedtime and so I poured out my heart and surrendered to Jesus and prayed that the next day would be better. In the morning I read Romans 12: 2, which says “Let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will know what God wants you to do, and you will know how good and pleasing and perfect his will really is.”  I realized how much I had let my negative thinking impact me and that had clouded my faith in God and his will for my life.
             Today has been better. Not amazing, but better because I realize that it isn’t about me, it is all about Jesus!! My second grade class is rather crazy and they don’t like to raise their hands or sit in their seats correctly. However, I’m laying down the rules and they are already beginning to respond. Marjorie sits in the back but she is the angel student who does everything that I tell her to. Brittney sits in the front and she never does what I asked her to. It is so interesting to see their little characters shine out in the classroom. There are 12 kids and only one of them is a boy (poor Joshua). They are going to try to have him skip a grade so that he can be with the other boys. I’m going to be honest, teaching can be fun even though it is difficult and I’m interested to see how the next few days will go.
             In the afternoon I had other tasks to keep me busy.  We are sorting through the kids clothes right now and pulling out the winter clothes and also bringing out the new Sabbath dresses. It is a huge task that takes far to long and everyone helps. While I was sitting down with the group I saw little Noah (he’s probably around the age of two) out in the yard and I signaled him to come over to me. I pulled him up onto my lap and he just sat there for a very long time and became very relaxed. I have never felt so content and happy at Bangla Hope as I did while holding baby Noah this afternoon. Mrs. Waid says that Noah doesn’t get enough attention here and because of that he is a very shy boy. I never had seen him smile until a few days ago when I decided to pick him up and tickle him after that he has always run up to my legs and held onto me. I may not always feel like I am being very productive here but I am showing these kids love and maybe that is the only reason that God has brought me here and I’m okay with that. Holding Noah has reminded me that it is not about me, it is all about Jesus and the little ones that He has brought me to in Bangladesh. 


(I'm sure you've noticed that all my posts have a spiritual little message mixed in. All of my posts will probably have that because Jesus is my number one and He gives me strength to make it through each day!) 

Updates

Danny is like the average kid who forgets that he hates you. Thank goodness! He came into my room after church today and started talking his head off. He also gave me another picture to give to Kelsey, which means I’ve still got his trust. I showed him and Caleb what candles are (they had never seen them before) and they really liked to smell them. It was very difficult to get them to stop putting their faces right next to the flame once they were lit. Boys and fire are a scary combination.
             I have a few things that I need prayer for. I’m scared about teaching tomorrow and to be honest I am not ready at all (and I should be). I’ll be teaching English, science, and art and the one I’m concerned about is English. I have an hour and the teacher (she teaches the kids Bangla and Bangla Math) only gave me two pages to read in a book. That is like a total of four sentences! So basically I don’t know what on earth I’m doing.  I also need prayers for my health. Everyone here has been sick except for me but I am finally starting to feel terrible and my throat hurts pretty badly right now.  Like I said in the previous post, the devil is trying to get me down but Jesus has been sending me little messages the whisper “I love you.” For example it rained today, something I would have never asked for in America but in this insanely hot country it was so refreshing.
             On to another topic: I am beginning to feel like God is wanting me to start working with the kids in the villages. Today when we were sitting with the kids at Sabbath school I looked down at this one girls foot. It was all dirty and skin was peeling off because she walked barefoot everywhere. As I looked up toward her face I noticed how dirty and skinny she was but as soon as she made eye contact with me she had the most beautiful smile. I love the kids at the orphanage but I feel my heart going out to the kids that really have nothing. I’m trying to figure out something that I can do to get out there and help these kids that I cannot even communicate with. Any suggestions?

Here are some pictures of today's happenings:

Here I am about to walk to the Village Sabbath School with several of the kids who are going to be doing the song service. 

Can you tell who sticks out? hahah. 

Here is Cloe, Sherry, Jenny, and Sheeba in front of the beautiful rice fields! 

Have a wonderful Sabbath everyone!

Don't Let the Devil Get You Down!

            He stood there with his face completely full of anger and then it turned to sadness as the tears began to flood his eyes. Danny didn’t say anything to me as he just stared into my eyes with sorrow that could not be matched. It was my fault.
             Earlier today Luke had come to my room and found a little booklet that Danny had given to Heather for Kelsey (the previous Student Missionary).  I didn’t really pay attention when Brent and Luke began to draw all over the blank pages. By the time night came Luke dragged me to the boys room so that he could draw me more pictures to put on my wall. While he was busy doing that I was getting overwhelmed with tons of kisses from the other boys (wow that sentence sounds a little funny haha).  I was filled with joy as all the boys were so happy with me and that is when Danny came storming in. He stood there for 5 minutes and didn’t say a word to me, he just slowly began to cry.  Then the ladies started giving the familiar hints that it was time for me to go so that the boy could go to bed.
             Now I sit here feeling terrible about the silliest thing. I’m really hoping that Danny is like the average kid that will just forget in about a day. But it isn’t just that I made him completely angry or mad it was also that you could see his love for Kelsey in every tear that he let run down his face and I felt like I had insulted it. Most of these kids have rejection issues or need a lot of attention and love because they don’t have parents to spoil them. No matter how silly I think the matter is that he cried it still breaks my heart and I feel like a terrible person. Earlier today I felt like I could conquer the world and now I feel like the lowest scum of the earth.  I don’t even know what to do to make it right.
             Many times in my life I don’t really know what to do or what the right way is and because of that I have made so many mistakes. It is hard to know what to do sometimes but I believe that as we focus on Jesus that everything will work it’s way out. I may have made Danny sad but I cannot let the Devil get me down because of that one thing. Satan really has been working hard at not only making me upset but also the other people here. I have to remember that I am a conqueror because of Christ.

Earlier today I wrote this (before Danny got upset): “They say that with the death of Christ you can conquer anything and today I feel like a conqueror even though I haven’t done anything particularly amazing. I simply feel like I have conquered the day because I am not letting my fears overwhelm me and I am claiming the blood of Jesus! “

         Satan can’t mess with the power that comes as a result of Jesus’ death on the cross! Therefore I shouldn’t let my fears about teaching, being away from home, or having Danny hate me forever keep me away from doing God’s will.

I may still feel horrible but I will just go to bed tonight and tomorrow I’ll say sorry to Danny somehow.