The Epic Life of a Christian

I have spiritual A.D.D. 

Everyday I try to bring myself closer to my Savior but I get stuck in ruts where I rely on myself rather than the power that comes from God alone. I’ve been stuck in that rut the last 2 months. I have not missed a day of reading my Bible and I have made a constant effort to pray but after evaluating my spiritual life last night I realized something horrible. I am neither hot nor cold. I have reached this place of complacency where I have not let the Holy Spirit take complete control of me so that I may shine forth to anybody and everybody.  I try to keep my eyes fixed on God but then something distracts me in my own life (hence the A.D.D. part). Then I am stuck praying and focusing on my own problems and I forget about how AWESOME my God is! And when my eyes slip from looking at God to looking at myself.. my passion goes away with it.
             The beautiful aspect of this problem of spiritual A.D.D. that I have is that God is continually fighting to have a relationship with me (how exciting is that)! He knows exactly where my heart is and it must pain Him to see me struggle over things that He could take if only I offered them up to Him completely.  However, God keeps working patiently with me to renew my love for Him and my desire to serve him completely once again.
             I write this because I know that many people come to this place in their spiritual life. The “first love” feeling is gone but they desperately want to be close to the Savior. Yet their hearts (and Satan) have led them to focus on themselves and the problems they face in this world. I write this because I believe in being completely passionate about God and telling everyone about it but sometimes we need to be awakened from our spiritual sleep so that we can rise up and fight off the Devil’s attacks and tell the world about our new lives in Jesus. Our lives as Christians are actually pretty epic if you think about it (hard but totally epic)! Every morning we wake up to a battle for our souls. Jesus vs. Satan. Some days we fight using our own strength and by noon we have lost and are overwhelmed by the struggles of our everyday lives. But if we choose Christ and put on His armor we have already won. The only way to keep on winning the battle is to continually put your life in Jesus’ hands (I know, easier said than done). 
             I am going to be a missionary in America in 3 weeks. This morning God has awakened my outlook to see that my biggest desire in life is Him and He has filled me once again with the untamed longing to tell everyone about Him and His glory. My prayer is that God is putting that longing in you as well. Jesus is coming again soon and I believe that with every fiber of my being. The world is full of people who are looking for Jesus (even if they don’t realize it yet) and that is so much bigger than any problem that I am facing.  

“The less you cherish self the more distinct and full will be your comprehension of the excellence of you Savior. The more closely you connect yourself with the source of light and power, the greater light will be shed upon you, and the greater power will be yours to work for God. Rejoice that you are one with God, one with Christ, and with the whole family of heaven.” The Desire of Ages pg 528

Water Fights and Cricket!

It is starting to get hot here! It isn’t quite as bad as when I first arrived but the heat still wraps around me and makes me rather uncomfortable.  The other day it was particularly hot and we still had the long agonizing hour before dinner where my stomach wont let my mind focus on anything else. I was trying to figure out what I should do to keep my mind off of food and being hot when I thought of water balloons. My friend Calvin had bought balloons in the Indian shop for such a time as this. I ran over to where he is staying and I looked through the screen door and asked, “Water fight?” Eagerly he agreed and we rushed to begin filling up balloons and placing them in two large buckets. Half of the balloons had holes or look like they would pop if you touched them (that’s what you get for having Bangladesh balloons).
             When both buckets were filled to maximum capacity we decided it was time to figure out how to execute our mission. We gathered all the other SM’s and decided that I would take a water bottle and pretend like I was lecturing the kids for doing something bad. I got a bunch of them to sit by the outside faucet and then when I saw that Calvin and Lauren were bringing the buckets full of water balloons I would dump my 1.5 liters of water on the unsuspecting kids (thus initiating the water fight).  It was hilarious to see the shocked faces of the kids as Chantel Teacher spilled her water bottle all over them. Then their faces turned toward the buckets full of water balloons and they knew they were trapped! After that we spent 15 min running around throwing balloons, filling up buckets, spraying them with a hose, and simply laughing.  Afterward some of the girls came up to us and said that it was their laundry day and they didn’t have any clothes to change into –oops! Haha. Don’t worry, they found clothes to change into!
             After we cleaned up it was time for dinner and afterwards Tim suggested that we go for a walk. We decided that we would walk to the Banyan tree. This is the tree that we walked to quite often because it is so large and majestic! There are huge bats that live among its branches and the local Hindu villagers worship it. We arrived and notice some village kids playing cricket underneath the tree. Since Calvin is from Australia he knew how to play so he jumped in while Heather, Tim, and I observed. I wanted to jump in and play but I didn’t know how they would react to a girl playing. Eventually I found myself with the cricket bat in my hand and although I had no clue what I was doing I stepped up to hit the ball. The first ball was bad and the second one I missed. The third pitch came and I hit it over all the boys’ heads and almost all of their eyes popped out in amazement. After I was done hitting I went to the outfield. I stood in the perfect spot where all the hits came perfectly to my open hands. I got a couple of the village boys out! I don’t know who was more amazed the village people or me! Eventually the sun began to get lower in the sky and we decided that it was time to head back to the orphanage. I then got to kiss and hug all my lovely children goodnight!

 That was a day that I will always cherish! 

Press On

I am a runner. I love the feeling of my expanding lungs and the way that stress begins to melt away with every step forward.  Normally I run just before sunset so I watch as people rush home to make their dinner and spend time with their loved ones. My runs always end with a walk where I just look at the beautiful setting sun that God has given me. I am runner that hasn’t run in over 5 months. Yet because of my love for it I love the way that Paul relates our Christian life to a race. We are pushing forward in our lives to reach Heaven, which is our ultimate goal.  I also relate my trip in Bangladesh to a race.
             The last few days I have run empty. I felt like a sponge that had been lying out in the sun and yet someone was still trying to squeeze water out of me. I wanted to be with the kids but there was no strength or energy of my own left to give. It was like I was running a marathon and I was on mile 23 but my legs wouldn’t move anymore. I wanted to spend time with the kids but somehow it left me more drained rather than pumping me up like it normally does. It took me a while to realize that I was running on my own energy and that just wasn’t cutting it.  I was at the point where I felt like I had to drag myself through the last month of this trip and that wouldn’t be very pretty. Don’t get me wrong, I love the kids and I love being with them. This trip has been wonderful and I know that once I get home I’m going to want to get on a plane back to Bangladesh. But when you are in a down moment (where you can compare yourself to a dry sponge) you can only think about the positive things that are waiting for you back in America.
             The New Testament gives us some pretty encouraging words in Hebrews 12:1 “Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross.” Later verses tell us that He did this so that we will not “grow weary and lose heart.” In order to finish the race that lies before us we need to look toward Jesus so that we do not become wayward in our path. That is what I choose to do today and the results made me praise Jesus (for He is always good)!
             Tonight, after re-giving Jesus my last month, I stayed with the girls until it was there bed time. I call that an accomplishment. They are usually so crazy that I end up going to the boys rooms or just spending time with my roommates. I swear they take sugar pills right before we go in there to say goodnight. But tonight rather than feeling like a sponge where I was giving all that I could but nothing was happing; I felt as if they were supplying water and filling me back up with the way they loved me back.
             It would be easy for me to grow weary or lose heart in this trip but I choose to do what Paul tells us in Philippians 3:14 when he says, “I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” Just as in our Christian life we need to press on, I need to do that here at the last part of this amazing adventure in my life.

Last month in Bangladesh-Here we GO! 

Beautiful Change

Everything is beginning to change. I look across the landscape and I can see fields covered with water and tiny rice plants. Mosquitoes are buzzing around and the sun is starting to stay in the sky a little bit longer. I am usually not good with change and would prefer everything to stay comfortably where it is but at the moment I am kind of enjoying the refreshing scene of something different. In many other ways the days are beginning to reflect a similar pattern (for the time being). I wake up for a walk with Kerri and Bob, eat breakfast, teach, lunch break, teach, and hang out with kids. When I’m not out with the kids or working I am in my room laughing hysterically with my roommates. I’m so glad that God brought those two on this trip with me. Although we are different we all have similar sarcastic humor and we find ourselves laughing quite often.
             The kids in my class crack me up too. Sometimes they are too much and I have to pray for the Lord to get me through till lunch but those are exceptions. I have four boys and nine girls in my class. The boys are the most dramatic little things I’ve ever seen. Johnny sings all the time, do you know how hard it is to get a kid in trouble for singing Jesus songs? Matthews’s pants always seem to be falling off and he tends to cry when he doesn’t get his way. Bart locked me out of the class room the other day (he didn’t get recess after that little stunt) and Marc… well he’s adorable and probably the most stable of all the boys. Most of the girls are just well behaved perfectionists that behave while I get the boys in trouble.  I have this one little girl name Ahki who doesn’t speak English at all. It is rather comical for me to try and interact with her we usually just pretend like we understand each other. I just really enjoy my kids. I know that soon I won’t be able to be with them anymore.
             As the change is quickly approaching I find myself attempting to just enjoy the moment. I want to hold on so tightly to the setting suns and crisp morning air. Soon three of the girls will be leaving for a trip to Thailand, and then Heather is traveling to Ethiopia, and the Waid’s to Nepal. The last part of my trip will be full of different evenings where I’m not quite sure what I’ll do for entertainment. The air will become hot and stuffy. And my roommates are going to be gone for a good majority of the time. It is all going to be very different.
             Although everything is changing I must admit that I have changed the most… and it is all for the better. God is beginning to show me that change might not be as horrific as I had previously conceived. Change has the possibility of being something beautiful.

Update: Tisha has officially finished her last injection. I had to hold her down a few more times while she got her shots but after Bob told her she would get ten taka every time she didn’t cry.. she stopped crying (good ole bribing). She got 80 taka by the end of the week. I’m proud of her.
As for the rest of us we don’t have typhoid but we are all coughing like crazy. At night it is like we have surround sound of coughing. Thank you all for your prayers! 

Typhoid

         This morning we took the put-put into town because Kerri had to take a few kids to the clinic in Hili. Tisha was one of those kids. She has had a fever for the last few days. As we went down the bouncy road she attempted to rest her head on my back because she had no energy to keep her head up on her own. The doctor told us that she had Typhoid fever and that she would have to take an injection of antibiotics two times a day for a week. This horrified her.
             Tisha was one of the first kids that I remember meeting when I got here. She is so hyper and outgoing that everyone has a special place for her in their hearts. She was the one that gave me a note everyday before class and always told me stories at nighttime when I went to her room. Every memory I have with Tisha has been of her being happy, crazy, and doing weird Tisha like things. Tonight was the first time that I have seen her in such a depressing state.
             On the way back from town she sat curled up beside me with her head resting on my lap. It was rather uncomfortable since there were about 11 of us stuffed onto the tiny little put-put. I could see her face wincing in pain the whole way back from town but I could do nothing to take away the pain. After I had dinner I got a packet full of notes and pictures that Tisha had drawn for me early that day and so I decided to visit her. I sat there for about an hour while Tisha talked her head off like she normally does and I told her a few stories of my own. At one point I rested my head on her and she stopped talking and said, “you go to sleep.. I’ll wake you up when it is time for you to go tell chapel” she then proceeded to talk to me and if I even moved my head up to look at her she would take her hand and smash my head back on to her shoulder so that I could “sleep” some more.
              After a while the bell rang and I did the worship for the other kids and when I got back Tisha was a completely different girl then the semi-normal Tisha I had seen a half hour earlier. She lay on her bed with her hands clutching at her stomach and her teeth chattering together, she had a fever of 103. Her face was wincing once again with pain. By now Kerri was there and she asked me if I would help give Tisha’s injection of antibiotics. I then had to restrain Tisha as she screamed her head off because she was so terrified of the needle. She was thrashing about and punching away anyone that got too close to her.
             After the shot everyone left and I just sat there with my hand resting on Tisha’s back. I whispered prayers as she whined helplessly for the next half hour. I spent several hours with Tisha tonight because I know that if I were sick I would want nothing more than my mom to be there with me. If I wasn’t there for Tisha she would have been alone for the majority of tonight.  Every time I got up to stretch my legs she would beg me to stay longer. I always reassured her that I would stay as long as I could because I loved her.
               It pains me to know Tisha’s story and to know what her mother was like. Her mom tried to bury her alive when she was a baby. Tisha is probably the most gorgeous little girl I’ve ever seen and I can’t even imagine anyone not wanting her.
             Now, I am exhausted from all the energy that I exerted in taking care of Tisha but I wouldn’t have spent my energy any other way.

 I ask you all for your prayers for Tisha and others that have been getting sick around here. We need it desperately.

Thank you. 

Discipline

“Do not despise the Lord’s discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.”
Proverbs 3:12
            Kids are kids. They laugh, cry, hurt, and love with all their heart. Most of the time they love you but sometimes they get mad at you for the silliest reasons. This is what happened last week while I was saying goodnight to the girls. They were going absolutely insane like they normally do and somehow in the process of saying goodnight I had really upset Hannah (I still don’t know what I did). All of a sudden she started calling me all these bad names in Bangla, one of which being “satan.” I was to tired to do any disciplining that night so I decided that I would talk to Papri, the principle, about what I should do during lunch the following day.
              During Lunch I explained to Papri what had happened and she took me with her to talk with Hannah and explain in both English and Bangla how she had done a very bad thing by disrespecting her teacher/friend. She told her that she would have to miss lunch (I would have been upset if I didn’t know that they get a million snacks throughout the day). As the tears began to roll down her face while she apologized I ached inside. Of course she deserved to be disciplined because of the way she had been disrespecting me the last few days but I didn’t want to see her suffer the consequences or hurt the way she was.
             Bangla Hope has taught me a thing or two about discipline. It really sucks but it is necessary if you love someone. If you let a child get away with over stepping their boundaries it doesn’t help them achieve maximum growth. The kids push and see where the boundary are and even if they realize to late that the thing they have done is wrong they need to be shown that there are consequences for their actions. This is very hard for me because I just want to love everyone and not have to deal with that sort of thing but the more I understand discipline the more I understand the Old Testament and the way the God must have felt throughout the past and present. Discipline is a way of showing your love toward someone by caring about his or her character growth.
             Recently I have been reading the OT (Leviticus-Joshua) and sometimes it is hard because I’m not sure how to take everything and I don’t always understand why God handled situations the way He did. A good example of the Lord’s discipline is found Joshua 7. Achan had sinned against God and although he confessed his sins it was only after God had pointed it out and many people had died as result of his stealing/coveting.  Achan paid the price with his life. I can’t imagine that God felt good about the discipline that He has had to give throughout the ages. It has pained Him to allow the natural consequences of life to occur to the people who have acted wrongly. Just like it hurt me to discipline Hannah.
             This may sound like a weird thing to learn or even blog about but I realize how important it is and that the Bible talks about it a lot. Hebrews 12:10-11 says, “God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” Of course it is painful but God allows it for our growth. It is through discipline that we become more like Christ. Isn’t that the goal in this life anyway? 

Holy Spirit

            Metali can sometimes get in a mood where she is just mad at everyone around her for no reason. Well, there may be a reason but it doesn’t make sense. The other night she was in one of those moods but I know that she needs love and attention so I decided to follow her and be there for her even though she was being mean to me. She finally stopped walking away from me so I had a chance to talk to her. When I got close to her it was obvious that she had been crying. I asked her what was wrong but she wouldn’t tell me. Finally I asked if she wanted to go to the roof with me and she hesitantly agreed.
             We sat on the roof looking at the stars for a while and she finally told me that she was sad because I didn’t have time for her because I was with the kids. She was also upset because I was leaving in two months. I looked at her and tried to explain that I had to share my love with everyone but I finally just told her how much she meant to me. This worked a lot better.
             It was a little chilly so I made some hot chocolate and we sat and talked for a little while. She cheered up and then we went and played badminton for a while but when that was over she wanted to go back to the roof and read the Bible with me. I started off reading most of Philippians (one of my favorites!) and then she wanted to start reading. Now, Metali is smart but she is a little behind in her reading skills because she didn’t start school until she was older. I was a little worried that she wouldn’t be able to understand or be able to read it. However, she insisted that she should have her turn to read. We prayed that the Holy Spirit would be with us and then she started reading. She started pronouncing difficult words and I would explain what they meant. Kids in Bangladesh don’t use phonics when they read they generally memorize words but Metali was sounding out words and reading very fluently. At one point while reading she looked up at me with a puzzled face and asked, “how do I do that?” I laughed and told her it was Holy Spirit who we had prayed for. The answer satisfied her question and she just laughed and continued reading.
             Sometimes we forget how powerful our Holy Spirit is. He is powerful enough to help a 11 year old read the Bible.  He is powerful enough to heal the injured at heart. He is powerful enough to raise Jesus from the dead and that same spirit lives in me!

“But if Christ is in you, your body is dead because of sin, yet your spirit is alive because of righteousness. And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who lives in you.” Romans 8:10-11