Everything is beginning to settle down. The new sights, smells, and feelings are beginning to become normal and just a way of life. This morning at breakfast Bob asked us “what new and exciting things do you have planned for today?” and to that none of us had an answer. It is true that everything is becoming less “exciting” in a way. I can walk past things that use to make my stomach and heartache and hardly even notice. I can make a school lesson plan really quickly and even think of fillers in seconds if I have to much time left at the end of class (which doesn’t happen anymore.. now I have to cut stuff out). I use to leave early for dinner because I was starving and now I show up and just sit outside with Noah on my lap and end up being late. It is fascinating how things that use to be so uncomfortable and strange can become so familiar and common. It really opens my eyes to the fact that Jesus can change our hearts and desires.
While talking to Mr. Waid one morning he told me that if someone had told him a long time ago that he would be working at an orphanage when he was 82 he would have told them that they were dropped on their heads on a baby. It made me giggle because I can see how much he loves being here with the children but at one point in his life he didn’t even like children.
Last night I was sitting on the roof looking at the stars and praying and I realized how far God has brought me in my life. If someone had told me that I would be working at an orphanage for 6 months in Bangladesh I would think they were crazy. Now I cannot help but wonder what God has in store for my future. What is he going to change in my heart? What will he lead me to do in my life? But my thoughts can not linger on the future for very long before I realize that when indeed that future does come it means that I have to leave the kids here.
Tonight I spent a long time in the older girls room. They were doing their Bangladesh traditional dancing and I tried to join in. I fumbled around trying to imitate their elegant movements and it made all the girls laugh hysterically. They kept telling me “no, no, no, you do it wrong. Sit down and watch first!” After that they really didn’t let me try again, I must have danced terribly but I am a white Adventist so it only makes sense. So while they danced about the room I just looked at every one of the girls in the room and realized how much I love every single one of them:
How can I leave them?
Every once in a while Kakoli say to me, “Chantel, when you go I will cry so so much.” The longer I’m here the more I am convinced that I will cry just as hard if not harder when I leave. When I leave Bangladesh I will leave a piece of my heart here. So everything may become more “normal” or even “routine” here but that doesn’t mean that it is not still an adventure that leaves my heart swirling with happiness and/or hardships. Even when I cannot answer the question “what new and exciting things do you have planned for today?” I will know that this is still an adventure where God is in control of every moment.
While talking to Mr. Waid one morning he told me that if someone had told him a long time ago that he would be working at an orphanage when he was 82 he would have told them that they were dropped on their heads on a baby. It made me giggle because I can see how much he loves being here with the children but at one point in his life he didn’t even like children.
Last night I was sitting on the roof looking at the stars and praying and I realized how far God has brought me in my life. If someone had told me that I would be working at an orphanage for 6 months in Bangladesh I would think they were crazy. Now I cannot help but wonder what God has in store for my future. What is he going to change in my heart? What will he lead me to do in my life? But my thoughts can not linger on the future for very long before I realize that when indeed that future does come it means that I have to leave the kids here.
Tonight I spent a long time in the older girls room. They were doing their Bangladesh traditional dancing and I tried to join in. I fumbled around trying to imitate their elegant movements and it made all the girls laugh hysterically. They kept telling me “no, no, no, you do it wrong. Sit down and watch first!” After that they really didn’t let me try again, I must have danced terribly but I am a white Adventist so it only makes sense. So while they danced about the room I just looked at every one of the girls in the room and realized how much I love every single one of them:
- I love how Sheba giggles and runs away every time our eyes lock for longer than 3 seconds.
- I love how Tisha slips me a note everyday before class.
- I love how my lap is hardly ever vacant.
- I love how Nathan never has pants on.. that boy is crazy.
- I love how they all come up to me and say, “dimples” and then point out every single one of the dimples on my face.
- I love how some of them come up and ask me to hug them tightly and then they don’t let me go for minutes.
How can I leave them?
Every once in a while Kakoli say to me, “Chantel, when you go I will cry so so much.” The longer I’m here the more I am convinced that I will cry just as hard if not harder when I leave. When I leave Bangladesh I will leave a piece of my heart here. So everything may become more “normal” or even “routine” here but that doesn’t mean that it is not still an adventure that leaves my heart swirling with happiness and/or hardships. Even when I cannot answer the question “what new and exciting things do you have planned for today?” I will know that this is still an adventure where God is in control of every moment.
Chantel, take that love that you feel for all those orphans multiply it by about a billion and you will see just a little bit of the love that Jesus has for all of us. Can you imagine what it does to Him when we act like we don't care about His sacrifice for us. It makes me cry when I think about the times that I have hurt Him and wish that I had the strength to never do it again - we need to realize that we can't ever have the strength to do good by ourselves, only through Jesus can we do anything good.
ReplyDeleteWe miss you and cannot wait to talk to you on Sabbath.