“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will direct your paths.” Proverbs 3:6-5
I don’t always understand where God is leading me in life. In all honesty, I almost never understand where he is leading me. Sometimes the curves in the pathway of life doesn’t make sense at all to. I often ask questions like: Why did this happen? Why did that hurt so bad? And why was I so stupid to do that one thing?
At the beginning of this trip I was so homesick that I was almost positive that I would never leave home once I got back to America. I felt useless and the kids were so overwhelming that I felt like I couldn’t breath. They would stand inches from me yelling at the tops of their lungs and hang on me like I was their personal jungle gym. It was horrible to come 10,000 miles to find that the kids were too much for me to handle. How could I show love to children that I could only tolerate for 10 minutes (in my defense, the kids here are insanely hyperactive haha). I thought God was crazy. You might recall one of my blog posts about not fully understanding God but whispering the words, “this is where God wants me to be.” Now with a smile on my face I can see clearly the things that God has changed in me in just 2 months.
This morning our apartment was filled with probably 10-15 kids that were running around with their snacks… peanuts. They left a mess and although they were supposed to clean it they didn’t do a very good job. When we came back from town we discovered that ants had infiltrated our room because of all the peanut shells that had been left behind. I was almost shocked when I felt no annoyance in the fact that this had happened. Since I was exhausted I took a nap and I woke up to Danny ringing the doorbell asking for me. Yet again I was amazed when I stumbled out so that I could hang out with him instead of clinging to my “naptime”. As the day kept progressing I was more and more amazed as I realized how much I enjoyed the little ones even when they were yelling and being a little too much to handle for the other people here. While decorating the Cafeteria with Christmas stuff they all stood in the windows yelling my names as loud as they could. I just found it fun to yell back at them. Then I would put on a Santa hat and make weird faces at them and they would giggle. Kids are so much fun.. they don’t care how weird you are.
As the sun was going down and Sabbath was approaching I sat on the roof and watched the sky explode with colors. For the first time I realized how happy I am and how this experience is truly becoming all about the kids. I don’t always understand where God is taking me and sometimes it hurts at first but in the end it is always the path that leads to the most joy. God really loves us so much that He wants us to be happy. People who think that God is out to be a joy killer are completely wrong. They just don’t realize that the happiness and fun that God brings is completely different than what everyone else thinks is “fun.” People may think that running around to find self-gratification is fun but they have not spent time with 119 kids who need love almost more than they need air.
I don’t always understand where God is leading me in life. In all honesty, I almost never understand where he is leading me. Sometimes the curves in the pathway of life doesn’t make sense at all to. I often ask questions like: Why did this happen? Why did that hurt so bad? And why was I so stupid to do that one thing?
At the beginning of this trip I was so homesick that I was almost positive that I would never leave home once I got back to America. I felt useless and the kids were so overwhelming that I felt like I couldn’t breath. They would stand inches from me yelling at the tops of their lungs and hang on me like I was their personal jungle gym. It was horrible to come 10,000 miles to find that the kids were too much for me to handle. How could I show love to children that I could only tolerate for 10 minutes (in my defense, the kids here are insanely hyperactive haha). I thought God was crazy. You might recall one of my blog posts about not fully understanding God but whispering the words, “this is where God wants me to be.” Now with a smile on my face I can see clearly the things that God has changed in me in just 2 months.
This morning our apartment was filled with probably 10-15 kids that were running around with their snacks… peanuts. They left a mess and although they were supposed to clean it they didn’t do a very good job. When we came back from town we discovered that ants had infiltrated our room because of all the peanut shells that had been left behind. I was almost shocked when I felt no annoyance in the fact that this had happened. Since I was exhausted I took a nap and I woke up to Danny ringing the doorbell asking for me. Yet again I was amazed when I stumbled out so that I could hang out with him instead of clinging to my “naptime”. As the day kept progressing I was more and more amazed as I realized how much I enjoyed the little ones even when they were yelling and being a little too much to handle for the other people here. While decorating the Cafeteria with Christmas stuff they all stood in the windows yelling my names as loud as they could. I just found it fun to yell back at them. Then I would put on a Santa hat and make weird faces at them and they would giggle. Kids are so much fun.. they don’t care how weird you are.
As the sun was going down and Sabbath was approaching I sat on the roof and watched the sky explode with colors. For the first time I realized how happy I am and how this experience is truly becoming all about the kids. I don’t always understand where God is taking me and sometimes it hurts at first but in the end it is always the path that leads to the most joy. God really loves us so much that He wants us to be happy. People who think that God is out to be a joy killer are completely wrong. They just don’t realize that the happiness and fun that God brings is completely different than what everyone else thinks is “fun.” People may think that running around to find self-gratification is fun but they have not spent time with 119 kids who need love almost more than they need air.
Chantel, this post made me thing of this that we read tonight for worship from Steps to Christ:
ReplyDelete"God is love" is written upon every opening bud, upon every spire of springing grass. The lovely birds making the air vocal with their happy songs, the delicately tinted flowers in their perfection perfuming the air, the lofty trees of the forest with their rich foliage of living green -- all testify to the tender, fatherly care of our God and to His desire to make His children happy. {SC 10.1}
The word of God reveals His character. He Himself has declared His infinite love and pity. When Moses prayed, "Show me Thy glory," the Lord answered, "I will make all My goodness pass before thee." Exo_33:18-19. This is His glory. The Lord passed before Moses, and proclaimed, "The Lord, The Lord God, merciful and gracious, long-suffering, and abundant in goodness and truth, keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin." Exo_34:6-7. He is "slow to anger, and of great kindness," "because He delighteth in mercy." Jon_4:2; Mic_7:18. {SC 10.2}
We all love you and miss you.
made me THINK OF WHAT WE READ...ugh
ReplyDeleteJoy=Amazing!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteChantel, Reading this was almost like reading my mind. =) I felt pretty much the same way you did. It's cool to see how God is leading in you too. Enjoy those kids all you can!!!!
ReplyDelete