Goodbyes

A friend once told me that we aren't meant to say goodbye to one another. He is right and I am looking forward to a day when I wont have to do it anymore.

The week before Heather and I left the orphanage we spent as much free time with the kids as possible. I was never in my room for very long unless I was packing. I spent my time with the kids, or with some of the other people who lived on the campus, during every free moment I had. We played in the irrigation ditch and took the kids on adventures and by the time it got to Sabbath night (my last day at Bangla Hope) I was exhausted. We had a birthday party for all the kids who had birthdays in March that evening and I was helping clean up everything. I walked to the kitchen to throw away something when I saw our faithful kitchen lady. We couldn't really communicate with each other but we would always ask each other how we were doing (in Bangla. She didn't know any English). I went up and gave her a huge hug and she wouldn't let go of me. Her grip around me was tight and by the time she released me I saw that she was crying. She didn't know how to express her feelings so she just kept stroking my head and back. She would tell me "Tumi balo may..Ami duquito (I am sad you are leaving.. you are a very good girl)". It was all I could do to regain my composure after our fair-well and walk out to the other room where the kids were watching a movie.
             As the kids began to realize that these were the last moments they could spend with me they began to surround me. I sat in a chair watching the Million Dollar Duck trying not to become emotional when I looked down and noticed that Sheba was on my lap. She usually didn't sit on me because she is a pretty big girl and I usually have Noah occupying that space. I was thankful that Sheba was so close to me. (I finally broke and acquired a favorite kid at the orphanage and she was it). She kept watching the movie but every few minutes or so she would turn around and hug me. She would rest her cheek on my shoulder for another few minutes and then become overly curious about what was going on behind her.
It began to sink in that after tomorrow morning I wouldn't be able to hold her anymore and I had to fight back tears.
          By the time the movie ended I was just bawling. I couldn't even try to keep my composure.
I went outside and just started hugging kids. I felt bad because I know that many of them started crying because I was crying but it was impossible to stop. I went around kissing all my little boys goodnight for the last time. We did our last rituals of "I love you 10, 80, infinity, pie, 99, 100" before I tucked their mosquito nets in and left. From there I went to the girls room where they were going crazy like always and I started hugging them goodnight. Sheba was the main one that kept hugging me and I was thankful that she kept coming up and holding on to me. Many of the girls were just crying and there was nothing I could do but hug them. Heather and I said goodnight until 11 pm (we kept them up an extra 3 hours) and then we dragged our exhausted bodies up to the 4th floor to finish packing.
          The next morning we woke up at 5:30 to our doorbell ringing. Heather opened the door as I just laid in bed and the next thing I knew Metali, Jenny, and Kakoli had crawled under my bug net and were cuddled next to me bawling their eyes out. Before I actually got up there were about 6 kids on my bed (and by on my bed I mean they were on top of me haha). Heather and I quickly began doing our last minute packing with 30 to 40 kids running around our apartment. It was pretty crazy and very difficult to move around but it was how we wanted to spend our last hour, with them.
         Finally everything was packed and we made our way down the stairs for the last time. We all met at the tree down by the gate and said our last goodbyes. We jumped in the back of the pickup and as we drove away I could see the kids press their faces against the fence looking at us for the last time. Everything in me just wanted to jump out and run to them and tell them that me leaving was all some big joke (it was April fools day). As they all slipped into the distance I watched the sunrise for the last time in Bangladesh. With tears in my eyes I thanked God for the opportunity that He had provided.
       God brought me to Bangladesh to teach me so many things. He has refined me and made me more like Him through the struggles that I was forced to face. When I first arrived at Bangladesh I asked God why he had brought me there. He informed me that He was going to teach me about love; His Love in particular. I argued at first because I felt like that was something I already knew. God is Love is something that everyone knows and is the first thing that most Christians are taught. However, God kept telling me that this is the biggest thing that He was teaching me. God showed me how to Love people with all my heart and how to give until it hurts. He showed me the joy of making a child who never really smiled become one of the happiest children. I was privilege to be called mom by many of the kids and to be a best friend to people who worked at Bangla Hope. I know that saying goodbye isn't something that God had planned for us but through the painful process it shows a small fraction of how much God loves and aches over us. Saying goodbye is one of the hardest things to do but we know that there will be a day when we don't have to say goodbye anymore. There will be a day where we won't feel that sting anymore and where I can see my kids all grown up in Jesus. 

These are My Kids!

Here is an excellent video that my friend Calvin made when he came to Bangla hope a few weeks ago.

http://vimeo.com/39122498

Also, I ask that you keep Lauren, Sarah-Kate, and Danielle in your prayers as they make their way to Dhaka tomorrow. They are leaving on Wednesday night to fly all the way back to America.

Thank you!

Little Adventures

All of my walking buddies had left the country. At first this depressed me because my daily walks were part of the reason that I could keep my sanity. If I didn’t have them then I would be on the same small campus everyday for what could seem like an eternity. I decided that the best solution to this problem would be to go on walks with kids. This proved to be the best and most entertaining way for me to keep my sanity!            
             One time we went out to this village and were having fun swinging from the roots of a banyan tree! Some of the roots are tied together at the end to create swings and so we spent some time just swinging around like monkeys. Finally we decided that it would be a good idea to walk around the village more. Before I knew it we were ambushed with about 20 villagers who thought I was some sort of doctor. One man came up to me with 6 fingers  on one hand and asked me to cut off the extra one. I examined the 6^th finger like I knew what I was doing (because the man made me). It was squishy and added character to the guy.. don’t know why he wanted to cut it off. I told the people over and over again that I was a teacher and not a doctor but it didn’t matter, they still wanted me to cut off fingers and fix peoples eyes! I finally got away telling them that our nurse would be back in 2 weeks and she could tell them more information.  I haven’t gone back there since.
             Another time I took Metali and Moni out to this tree. We went off the road onto this little path that went through the rice fields. We ended up by this big pond with a tree that stood alone looking rather majestic (and climbable). The first thing I did was run towards it with open arms and I started climbing up. Moni and Metali looked at me as if I was crazy for a minute and then they eagerly fought over who would get to climb up first. When we were done climbing and on our way down the tree a woman appeared from around a mound of dirt. She was walking her goat when she started yelling at us. I was mortified because I had probably offended her by climbing her god. I asked Metali to apologize to her as I scrambled down the tree but what she did next made me laugh hysterically. Since I was already up in the tree she wondered if I would knock some branches down for her goat to eat. Essentially she wanted me to tear down her god so that her goat could eat it. The whole situation was quite humorous. After I had gotten down she asked me why I didn’t fear the “tree” god. I tried to explain that I worship one God.. and it wasn’t a tree. I don’t think she understood but Metali did her best to explain what Adventist are. I hope we got her curious so that she’ll come visit Bangla Hope in the future.
             There are so many fun and weird things that have happened on our adventures. We have caught frog and tadpoles, run through the rice paddies, swung from trees, caught run away cows and eaten fruit that tastes like wood. Each day that I go on these little adventures creates many bonding moments with the individual kids I take. When I’m back in America I think that these little adventures are going to be what I hold onto when I think about my kids back in Bangla Hope.

I can’t believe I have less than 2 weeks! 

The Epic Life of a Christian

I have spiritual A.D.D. 

Everyday I try to bring myself closer to my Savior but I get stuck in ruts where I rely on myself rather than the power that comes from God alone. I’ve been stuck in that rut the last 2 months. I have not missed a day of reading my Bible and I have made a constant effort to pray but after evaluating my spiritual life last night I realized something horrible. I am neither hot nor cold. I have reached this place of complacency where I have not let the Holy Spirit take complete control of me so that I may shine forth to anybody and everybody.  I try to keep my eyes fixed on God but then something distracts me in my own life (hence the A.D.D. part). Then I am stuck praying and focusing on my own problems and I forget about how AWESOME my God is! And when my eyes slip from looking at God to looking at myself.. my passion goes away with it.
             The beautiful aspect of this problem of spiritual A.D.D. that I have is that God is continually fighting to have a relationship with me (how exciting is that)! He knows exactly where my heart is and it must pain Him to see me struggle over things that He could take if only I offered them up to Him completely.  However, God keeps working patiently with me to renew my love for Him and my desire to serve him completely once again.
             I write this because I know that many people come to this place in their spiritual life. The “first love” feeling is gone but they desperately want to be close to the Savior. Yet their hearts (and Satan) have led them to focus on themselves and the problems they face in this world. I write this because I believe in being completely passionate about God and telling everyone about it but sometimes we need to be awakened from our spiritual sleep so that we can rise up and fight off the Devil’s attacks and tell the world about our new lives in Jesus. Our lives as Christians are actually pretty epic if you think about it (hard but totally epic)! Every morning we wake up to a battle for our souls. Jesus vs. Satan. Some days we fight using our own strength and by noon we have lost and are overwhelmed by the struggles of our everyday lives. But if we choose Christ and put on His armor we have already won. The only way to keep on winning the battle is to continually put your life in Jesus’ hands (I know, easier said than done). 
             I am going to be a missionary in America in 3 weeks. This morning God has awakened my outlook to see that my biggest desire in life is Him and He has filled me once again with the untamed longing to tell everyone about Him and His glory. My prayer is that God is putting that longing in you as well. Jesus is coming again soon and I believe that with every fiber of my being. The world is full of people who are looking for Jesus (even if they don’t realize it yet) and that is so much bigger than any problem that I am facing.  

“The less you cherish self the more distinct and full will be your comprehension of the excellence of you Savior. The more closely you connect yourself with the source of light and power, the greater light will be shed upon you, and the greater power will be yours to work for God. Rejoice that you are one with God, one with Christ, and with the whole family of heaven.” The Desire of Ages pg 528

Water Fights and Cricket!

It is starting to get hot here! It isn’t quite as bad as when I first arrived but the heat still wraps around me and makes me rather uncomfortable.  The other day it was particularly hot and we still had the long agonizing hour before dinner where my stomach wont let my mind focus on anything else. I was trying to figure out what I should do to keep my mind off of food and being hot when I thought of water balloons. My friend Calvin had bought balloons in the Indian shop for such a time as this. I ran over to where he is staying and I looked through the screen door and asked, “Water fight?” Eagerly he agreed and we rushed to begin filling up balloons and placing them in two large buckets. Half of the balloons had holes or look like they would pop if you touched them (that’s what you get for having Bangladesh balloons).
             When both buckets were filled to maximum capacity we decided it was time to figure out how to execute our mission. We gathered all the other SM’s and decided that I would take a water bottle and pretend like I was lecturing the kids for doing something bad. I got a bunch of them to sit by the outside faucet and then when I saw that Calvin and Lauren were bringing the buckets full of water balloons I would dump my 1.5 liters of water on the unsuspecting kids (thus initiating the water fight).  It was hilarious to see the shocked faces of the kids as Chantel Teacher spilled her water bottle all over them. Then their faces turned toward the buckets full of water balloons and they knew they were trapped! After that we spent 15 min running around throwing balloons, filling up buckets, spraying them with a hose, and simply laughing.  Afterward some of the girls came up to us and said that it was their laundry day and they didn’t have any clothes to change into –oops! Haha. Don’t worry, they found clothes to change into!
             After we cleaned up it was time for dinner and afterwards Tim suggested that we go for a walk. We decided that we would walk to the Banyan tree. This is the tree that we walked to quite often because it is so large and majestic! There are huge bats that live among its branches and the local Hindu villagers worship it. We arrived and notice some village kids playing cricket underneath the tree. Since Calvin is from Australia he knew how to play so he jumped in while Heather, Tim, and I observed. I wanted to jump in and play but I didn’t know how they would react to a girl playing. Eventually I found myself with the cricket bat in my hand and although I had no clue what I was doing I stepped up to hit the ball. The first ball was bad and the second one I missed. The third pitch came and I hit it over all the boys’ heads and almost all of their eyes popped out in amazement. After I was done hitting I went to the outfield. I stood in the perfect spot where all the hits came perfectly to my open hands. I got a couple of the village boys out! I don’t know who was more amazed the village people or me! Eventually the sun began to get lower in the sky and we decided that it was time to head back to the orphanage. I then got to kiss and hug all my lovely children goodnight!

 That was a day that I will always cherish! 

Press On

I am a runner. I love the feeling of my expanding lungs and the way that stress begins to melt away with every step forward.  Normally I run just before sunset so I watch as people rush home to make their dinner and spend time with their loved ones. My runs always end with a walk where I just look at the beautiful setting sun that God has given me. I am runner that hasn’t run in over 5 months. Yet because of my love for it I love the way that Paul relates our Christian life to a race. We are pushing forward in our lives to reach Heaven, which is our ultimate goal.  I also relate my trip in Bangladesh to a race.
             The last few days I have run empty. I felt like a sponge that had been lying out in the sun and yet someone was still trying to squeeze water out of me. I wanted to be with the kids but there was no strength or energy of my own left to give. It was like I was running a marathon and I was on mile 23 but my legs wouldn’t move anymore. I wanted to spend time with the kids but somehow it left me more drained rather than pumping me up like it normally does. It took me a while to realize that I was running on my own energy and that just wasn’t cutting it.  I was at the point where I felt like I had to drag myself through the last month of this trip and that wouldn’t be very pretty. Don’t get me wrong, I love the kids and I love being with them. This trip has been wonderful and I know that once I get home I’m going to want to get on a plane back to Bangladesh. But when you are in a down moment (where you can compare yourself to a dry sponge) you can only think about the positive things that are waiting for you back in America.
             The New Testament gives us some pretty encouraging words in Hebrews 12:1 “Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross.” Later verses tell us that He did this so that we will not “grow weary and lose heart.” In order to finish the race that lies before us we need to look toward Jesus so that we do not become wayward in our path. That is what I choose to do today and the results made me praise Jesus (for He is always good)!
             Tonight, after re-giving Jesus my last month, I stayed with the girls until it was there bed time. I call that an accomplishment. They are usually so crazy that I end up going to the boys rooms or just spending time with my roommates. I swear they take sugar pills right before we go in there to say goodnight. But tonight rather than feeling like a sponge where I was giving all that I could but nothing was happing; I felt as if they were supplying water and filling me back up with the way they loved me back.
             It would be easy for me to grow weary or lose heart in this trip but I choose to do what Paul tells us in Philippians 3:14 when he says, “I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” Just as in our Christian life we need to press on, I need to do that here at the last part of this amazing adventure in my life.

Last month in Bangladesh-Here we GO! 

Beautiful Change

Everything is beginning to change. I look across the landscape and I can see fields covered with water and tiny rice plants. Mosquitoes are buzzing around and the sun is starting to stay in the sky a little bit longer. I am usually not good with change and would prefer everything to stay comfortably where it is but at the moment I am kind of enjoying the refreshing scene of something different. In many other ways the days are beginning to reflect a similar pattern (for the time being). I wake up for a walk with Kerri and Bob, eat breakfast, teach, lunch break, teach, and hang out with kids. When I’m not out with the kids or working I am in my room laughing hysterically with my roommates. I’m so glad that God brought those two on this trip with me. Although we are different we all have similar sarcastic humor and we find ourselves laughing quite often.
             The kids in my class crack me up too. Sometimes they are too much and I have to pray for the Lord to get me through till lunch but those are exceptions. I have four boys and nine girls in my class. The boys are the most dramatic little things I’ve ever seen. Johnny sings all the time, do you know how hard it is to get a kid in trouble for singing Jesus songs? Matthews’s pants always seem to be falling off and he tends to cry when he doesn’t get his way. Bart locked me out of the class room the other day (he didn’t get recess after that little stunt) and Marc… well he’s adorable and probably the most stable of all the boys. Most of the girls are just well behaved perfectionists that behave while I get the boys in trouble.  I have this one little girl name Ahki who doesn’t speak English at all. It is rather comical for me to try and interact with her we usually just pretend like we understand each other. I just really enjoy my kids. I know that soon I won’t be able to be with them anymore.
             As the change is quickly approaching I find myself attempting to just enjoy the moment. I want to hold on so tightly to the setting suns and crisp morning air. Soon three of the girls will be leaving for a trip to Thailand, and then Heather is traveling to Ethiopia, and the Waid’s to Nepal. The last part of my trip will be full of different evenings where I’m not quite sure what I’ll do for entertainment. The air will become hot and stuffy. And my roommates are going to be gone for a good majority of the time. It is all going to be very different.
             Although everything is changing I must admit that I have changed the most… and it is all for the better. God is beginning to show me that change might not be as horrific as I had previously conceived. Change has the possibility of being something beautiful.

Update: Tisha has officially finished her last injection. I had to hold her down a few more times while she got her shots but after Bob told her she would get ten taka every time she didn’t cry.. she stopped crying (good ole bribing). She got 80 taka by the end of the week. I’m proud of her.
As for the rest of us we don’t have typhoid but we are all coughing like crazy. At night it is like we have surround sound of coughing. Thank you all for your prayers! 

Typhoid

         This morning we took the put-put into town because Kerri had to take a few kids to the clinic in Hili. Tisha was one of those kids. She has had a fever for the last few days. As we went down the bouncy road she attempted to rest her head on my back because she had no energy to keep her head up on her own. The doctor told us that she had Typhoid fever and that she would have to take an injection of antibiotics two times a day for a week. This horrified her.
             Tisha was one of the first kids that I remember meeting when I got here. She is so hyper and outgoing that everyone has a special place for her in their hearts. She was the one that gave me a note everyday before class and always told me stories at nighttime when I went to her room. Every memory I have with Tisha has been of her being happy, crazy, and doing weird Tisha like things. Tonight was the first time that I have seen her in such a depressing state.
             On the way back from town she sat curled up beside me with her head resting on my lap. It was rather uncomfortable since there were about 11 of us stuffed onto the tiny little put-put. I could see her face wincing in pain the whole way back from town but I could do nothing to take away the pain. After I had dinner I got a packet full of notes and pictures that Tisha had drawn for me early that day and so I decided to visit her. I sat there for about an hour while Tisha talked her head off like she normally does and I told her a few stories of my own. At one point I rested my head on her and she stopped talking and said, “you go to sleep.. I’ll wake you up when it is time for you to go tell chapel” she then proceeded to talk to me and if I even moved my head up to look at her she would take her hand and smash my head back on to her shoulder so that I could “sleep” some more.
              After a while the bell rang and I did the worship for the other kids and when I got back Tisha was a completely different girl then the semi-normal Tisha I had seen a half hour earlier. She lay on her bed with her hands clutching at her stomach and her teeth chattering together, she had a fever of 103. Her face was wincing once again with pain. By now Kerri was there and she asked me if I would help give Tisha’s injection of antibiotics. I then had to restrain Tisha as she screamed her head off because she was so terrified of the needle. She was thrashing about and punching away anyone that got too close to her.
             After the shot everyone left and I just sat there with my hand resting on Tisha’s back. I whispered prayers as she whined helplessly for the next half hour. I spent several hours with Tisha tonight because I know that if I were sick I would want nothing more than my mom to be there with me. If I wasn’t there for Tisha she would have been alone for the majority of tonight.  Every time I got up to stretch my legs she would beg me to stay longer. I always reassured her that I would stay as long as I could because I loved her.
               It pains me to know Tisha’s story and to know what her mother was like. Her mom tried to bury her alive when she was a baby. Tisha is probably the most gorgeous little girl I’ve ever seen and I can’t even imagine anyone not wanting her.
             Now, I am exhausted from all the energy that I exerted in taking care of Tisha but I wouldn’t have spent my energy any other way.

 I ask you all for your prayers for Tisha and others that have been getting sick around here. We need it desperately.

Thank you. 

Discipline

“Do not despise the Lord’s discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.”
Proverbs 3:12
            Kids are kids. They laugh, cry, hurt, and love with all their heart. Most of the time they love you but sometimes they get mad at you for the silliest reasons. This is what happened last week while I was saying goodnight to the girls. They were going absolutely insane like they normally do and somehow in the process of saying goodnight I had really upset Hannah (I still don’t know what I did). All of a sudden she started calling me all these bad names in Bangla, one of which being “satan.” I was to tired to do any disciplining that night so I decided that I would talk to Papri, the principle, about what I should do during lunch the following day.
              During Lunch I explained to Papri what had happened and she took me with her to talk with Hannah and explain in both English and Bangla how she had done a very bad thing by disrespecting her teacher/friend. She told her that she would have to miss lunch (I would have been upset if I didn’t know that they get a million snacks throughout the day). As the tears began to roll down her face while she apologized I ached inside. Of course she deserved to be disciplined because of the way she had been disrespecting me the last few days but I didn’t want to see her suffer the consequences or hurt the way she was.
             Bangla Hope has taught me a thing or two about discipline. It really sucks but it is necessary if you love someone. If you let a child get away with over stepping their boundaries it doesn’t help them achieve maximum growth. The kids push and see where the boundary are and even if they realize to late that the thing they have done is wrong they need to be shown that there are consequences for their actions. This is very hard for me because I just want to love everyone and not have to deal with that sort of thing but the more I understand discipline the more I understand the Old Testament and the way the God must have felt throughout the past and present. Discipline is a way of showing your love toward someone by caring about his or her character growth.
             Recently I have been reading the OT (Leviticus-Joshua) and sometimes it is hard because I’m not sure how to take everything and I don’t always understand why God handled situations the way He did. A good example of the Lord’s discipline is found Joshua 7. Achan had sinned against God and although he confessed his sins it was only after God had pointed it out and many people had died as result of his stealing/coveting.  Achan paid the price with his life. I can’t imagine that God felt good about the discipline that He has had to give throughout the ages. It has pained Him to allow the natural consequences of life to occur to the people who have acted wrongly. Just like it hurt me to discipline Hannah.
             This may sound like a weird thing to learn or even blog about but I realize how important it is and that the Bible talks about it a lot. Hebrews 12:10-11 says, “God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” Of course it is painful but God allows it for our growth. It is through discipline that we become more like Christ. Isn’t that the goal in this life anyway? 

Holy Spirit

            Metali can sometimes get in a mood where she is just mad at everyone around her for no reason. Well, there may be a reason but it doesn’t make sense. The other night she was in one of those moods but I know that she needs love and attention so I decided to follow her and be there for her even though she was being mean to me. She finally stopped walking away from me so I had a chance to talk to her. When I got close to her it was obvious that she had been crying. I asked her what was wrong but she wouldn’t tell me. Finally I asked if she wanted to go to the roof with me and she hesitantly agreed.
             We sat on the roof looking at the stars for a while and she finally told me that she was sad because I didn’t have time for her because I was with the kids. She was also upset because I was leaving in two months. I looked at her and tried to explain that I had to share my love with everyone but I finally just told her how much she meant to me. This worked a lot better.
             It was a little chilly so I made some hot chocolate and we sat and talked for a little while. She cheered up and then we went and played badminton for a while but when that was over she wanted to go back to the roof and read the Bible with me. I started off reading most of Philippians (one of my favorites!) and then she wanted to start reading. Now, Metali is smart but she is a little behind in her reading skills because she didn’t start school until she was older. I was a little worried that she wouldn’t be able to understand or be able to read it. However, she insisted that she should have her turn to read. We prayed that the Holy Spirit would be with us and then she started reading. She started pronouncing difficult words and I would explain what they meant. Kids in Bangladesh don’t use phonics when they read they generally memorize words but Metali was sounding out words and reading very fluently. At one point while reading she looked up at me with a puzzled face and asked, “how do I do that?” I laughed and told her it was Holy Spirit who we had prayed for. The answer satisfied her question and she just laughed and continued reading.
             Sometimes we forget how powerful our Holy Spirit is. He is powerful enough to help a 11 year old read the Bible.  He is powerful enough to heal the injured at heart. He is powerful enough to raise Jesus from the dead and that same spirit lives in me!

“But if Christ is in you, your body is dead because of sin, yet your spirit is alive because of righteousness. And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who lives in you.” Romans 8:10-11

Don't Do Drugs

            I’ve had an interesting last few days. About two nights ago I woke up with a fiery itching on my head. My first thought was that I had gotten lice from the kids.. I figured it would happen eventually. This itch was not a tiny little annoyance but it burned and kept me awake for good majority of the night. By the time I actually got up and looked in the mirror I saw the remainder of what looked to be a rash or some sort of bug bite. It was mostly gone by the time we were suppose to go down to breakfast so I let it leave my mind until later when I was talking to Shati. My leg started itching so I started telling her about how my head had kept me up most of the night because of how much it itched. She talked to me about it some and then we found out that the group that had gone south had returned so we all went running over there to greet them when I noticed that my leg that had simply been itching now felt like it was on fire. Suddenly I knew why my leg was itching so badly.
             I grabbed Kerri and ran to the clinic and as soon as I got to a place where I could pull off my pants and look at my legs I realized that I had enormous hives all down my legs. These weren’t tiny hives at all. There was one on my knee the size of soft ball. Apparently I am allergic to something but I don’t know what it is. Kerri gave me some Bangla medication for it but she sadly didn’t have any non-drowsy. Knowing my reaction to that sort of medicine I knew that the rest of my day was shot because I would be in the state of zombie for the next 12 hours or so. Sure enough I almost fell asleep at the supper table and I had to walk all the way across campus up four flights of stairs to my bedroom. I got so bad that I couldn’t finish changing into my pajamas. I was literally stuck on my bed looking at Heather’s bed falling asleep. I somehow finished getting dressed and attempted to send a few email’s (sorry, if I have sent you an email recently that didn’t make sense.. it was the meds). I finally passed out hugging my computer while mumbling to my roommates who were laughing hysterically at me.
             At some point I woke up to Kakoli screaming at my roommates, “LET ME IN, I WANT TO SEE MY MOTHER.” I stood up quickly to get my baby girl when I realized that I didn’t have the energy to keep myself standing there and I fell down. Thank goodness no one was there to see that. I fumbled my way back to the bed where I laid there and waited what seemed like an eternity for someone to walk past so I could tell them to let Kakoli in. Finally Marissa came in to use our bathroom and I asked her to send Kakoli in. Before I knew it Kakoli and Metali were at my side trying to make me feel better. I was practically falling asleep the whole time. Finally it was time for them to go but I asked if I could pray with the two girls. Each of us said an individual prayer out loud while we all held hand. It is amazing how God sends people to you even when you are in such an odd state of being. I will never forget that little prayer that we had together.
             I finally fell asleep without being disturbed for a good 11 hours and woke up feeling like I had been hit by a truck. I felt better by the time Sabbath school was over and I was able to hang out with the kids all day. God is good.

Happy Sabbath America. 

Monkeys and The Land of Sliding Kangaroos

The thought of leaving seems impossible. When I think of going home my mind cannot even fathom how I will cope with the loss of my kids. I feel like I will be a parent who is ripped away from their child… never to see them again. I know that that sounds very dramatic but after spending everyday with them for the last few months I cannot help but feel love for them. What hurts more is thinking of how it will hurt the kids when I leave. God has really taught me how to love here. I’ll try to explain/share just a piece of the love that embraces this campus.
  The new missionaries are here and it has been quite humorous to watch their overwhelmed faces as the little girls attack their hair and use them as a jungle gym. The look of panic on their faces is a mirror image of what I was like when I first arrived. In all honesty, saying goodnight to the older girls could be compared to climbing into a cage of monkeys who have neither fear of humans nor any consideration of your comfort zones. My girls sometimes overwhelm me but I’ve just learned to say goodnight and go to the boys room (boys are so much easier)!
  In my head I refer to the boys room as the “Land of the Sliding Kangaroos.” All of the boys have kangaroos (aka footy pajamas). The adorable part about that is that there aren’t enough boy kangaroos to go around so a few of the boys run around in bright pink girly kangaroos and don’t even think twice about it. They are hyper like the girls but all their energies are focused on running as fast as they can and then sliding across the concrete floor. Joseph ran up to me one day and with excitement written all over his face he said, “Look Chantel, sliding kangaroos!” Of course the best part of saying goodnight to the boys is I get a million kisses on my cheeks, forehead, nose, chin, and the occasional sneaker on the lips. We aren’t supposed to really kiss them on the lips but if they sneak one in I just exclaim, “OH NO, you got me!” This reaction has caused all of them to try and kiss me on the lips.
  When I’m not getting goodnight kisses I am being told how much I am loved. The boys will come up and say, “Chantel, I love you…12, 96, 45, 2000, 50, 34.” It doesn’t really make much sense but they are just throwing out big numbers that in their brain means that they love you A LOT! They have become more creative about saying I love you. They have decided to say something that they think is amazing. For example: “I love you candy.” You should have heard all of the things that they use. I just tell them, “I love you pie,” for those of you who know me well you know that that is the most I can love someone hahah.
  I was trying to imagine what it would be like to be home and to finally have some alone time. For a while I was really looking forward to being alone for the first time in half a year but now I have a feeling that I will just cry. What would it be like to not always be holding a child’s hand or kissing the cheeks of all my kids? What will I do when I can no longer visit the Land of Sliding Kangaroos or have 7 monkeys on top of me at the same time? 
  When I was having a hard time at the beginning of my stay I felt like God told me I was here to learn about his Love. Now that I have learned a fraction of what that Love is like, how can I just get on a plane and never look back? These are the things that have been running around in my brain as I see that I only have 2 months left here. I suppose this is another point in my life where I have to rest in the comfort of Proverbs 3:5.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and he will make your paths straight.”

I’m not understanding..
but I’m trusting. 

...But I Love You Anyway

School is back in full swing and with all the extra work that I have been trying to accomplish I have lost all of my energy. There are a lot of exciting things that have been happening the last few days. Mr. Waid had his 83rd birthday yesterday and the whole campus was so excited. I was running everywhere helping Tuli decorate, bake, and doing anything else that she wanted me to do. The Bengali people really know how to have birthday party and I am a tad bit sad that my birthday is in June when I wont be here.
  My class is full of timid but very smart kids. I only have one kid who I fear because of his random emotional outbreaks.. Johnny. Today Tuli was telling him that he did so well on his math paper and he literally started sobbing because he didn’t want her to read his paper.. it will be interesting dealing with him for the next 2 months.
  We are getting 2 new missionary girls tonight and a family is coming here for a few weeks. I think there is another lady that is coming here for some reason that is probably important. I’m excited and slightly nervous about having more American’s around here. I’m not use to pale faces with the exception of the few people that have been here the whole time. I have a feeling that I will be like the Bengali people in town that awkwardly stare at white people as they walk by.. I might just stare at the missionaries the next few days haha.
  God has been teaching me a lot lately. It is funny how sometimes we can just be walking along and He’ll just kind of hit us over the head with a huge problem that we have had in our lives but have acted as if it doesn’t exist. Yesterday I was informed that a friend of mine that is a student missionary was going to stay another 10 months at her orphanage so that she could be with her kids. Rather than being super excited for her I was a little overwhelmed at the thought that I wasn’t as good as she was Although I love my kids I am super excited about going to American in 2 months and I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t change that. All of a sudden I began to wonder why I wasn’t the “super missionary” that I always hear about in stories at church. I expressed my feelings to Lauren and she just said, “you’ve got to stop comparing yourself to other people.” Rather than trying to deny that statement or feel bad about it I instantly knew that what she had said was something that was painfully true.
  It is funny how I didn’t even realize it until she said that but I know that it will now have a profound impact on my life. I compare myself to everyone in probably everyway whether good or bad. I think it is a problem that most people in the human race fight against. We all want to be good or better than the person next to us. I forget that every person isn’t the same and God made us to be different.. it is actually a beautiful thing. So, God has been humbling me lately and it is making my experience in Bangladesh even more special because of the growth that has taken place.
  Last night I sat on the roof feeling rather humble about my state of existence. I have finally acknowledged that I am not perfect and that it is impossible for me to keep pretending that I am never wrong. While contemplating all of this I felt like God was saying, “…but I love you anyway.” The truth is that we can’t be perfect while on this earth and everyday we are learning and growing (if we choose to do so). Even though the human heart is deceitfully wicked (Jeremiah 17:9) God loves us anyway.
 

I am continually learning more about myself and my God on this trip. I love it!

Nepal Adventure (part 2)

Thamel has a lot of motorcycles. The roads are very narrow yet cars, people, bikes, and motorcycles squeeze past each other and somehow I never saw anyone get hurt. Lauren, Heather, and I found out that we could rent bikes for a day and we were absolutely thrilled. We found a bike hire place and got three mountain bikes and just started peddling. We dogged the people and cars like we had been living in a third world country for three months (wait a minute.. we have)! We had no real directions and so we eventually stopped by this temple looking thing to figure out the game plan. In the middle of our struggles an old man came up to us. He pointed in three different directions and told us what lay in each direction. We decided that we would go in the direction that led toward the monkey temple. Unsure if we were taking the right roads we just kept peddling and dodging until we eventually could see the large hill in the distant that had the beautiful stupa nestled on top.
           We finally reached the base of the hill and found a way to lock our three bikes up with two little bike locks and made our way to the staircase. The monkey temple is actually called the Swayambhuanth but because I don’t know how to pronounce that (and neither do all the tourists) it is just called the monkey temple. The name makes sense once you begin the long journey up the staircase. I can not tell you how excited I was to just be going up a hill. Bangladesh is the flattest place I have ever been to and I love hiking.
            Along the way up the stairs there were all sorts of little shops and even the little street kids playing. They were absolutely hilarious. There was about three of them who had found plastic bottles that they were using to put under their bums as they slid down the concrete sides by the stairs. I have a soft spot for the street children and I try to spoil them every chance I get. I even try to spoil the beggar kids. Most of them don’t really want to beg but they have just been forced to do it. Money doesn’t mean much to them (all of it goes to whoever is forcing them to beg) so I try to sneak out a cookie to them. You should see how their faces light up when they realize that they finally get a treat of their own.
           When we reached the top of the monkey temple we could see the whole Kathmandu valley and the mountain range that lay on the other side. Although the place was for Buddhist I focused on all the wonderful things that God had done. He had made the mountain range that lay in the distance, He made the people who walked around and marveled at the stupa that was pathetic compared to the things that God himself had made.
            After we rode our bike rides we decided that it was time for dinner. In all honesty the food was one of my favorite parts about Nepal. It was about $2 to go to a nice restaurant and get ethnic Nepalese, Indian, Thai, Tibetan, or even American food. Every night we would get a plate of Momo’s and some other type of curry or Nepalese Dhal (it is completely different than Bengali Dahl and I might like it more than the Bengali Dhal).  Momo’s are these Tibetan dumplings that can either be filled with veggies or meat. They had a sauce that went with them called pickle, it didn’t taste anything like American pickle but it was really spicy. I could write all day about the amazing food that we ate or my favorite restaurant in the world but I don’t want to upset my hungry readers.
             The rest of our trip was absolutely amazing as well. On Sabbath we went for a walking tour of the places surrounding the Thamel district. We celebrated the New Year dancing around on the balcony with the expensive sparkling apple juice that we had bought on the corner market. New Years was very loud because there was about 5 live bands playing at the pubs that are scattered throughout Thamel. We went down to Chitwan National Park and went on a Safari while riding an elephant. I got really sick while on a 5-hour bus ride but thankfully after praying about it I got better and was able to enjoy OR2k (favorite restaurant) that night. Overall it was so nice to experience Nepal and have time to be a tourist that got to go out to eat every night. However, I am so glad that I am back in Bangla Hope. There is no place like Bangla Hope!
 
I posted more pictures:
http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.2393352084597.122212.1574787470&type=1&l=9e86cdbdbe

Sorry I always post the pictures on my facebook. The Internet is so horrible here and it is easier for me to post them on my facebook rather than my blog. 

Nepal Adventure (part 1)

 My mom asked me if I would feel guilty when she found out I was going to spend 7 days of in Nepal. I assumed that I wouldn’t because I was just so excited to be around a place that was clean and semi Americanized (I was thinking of Thamel’s tourist district not the rest of Nepal).  Although I never felt “guilt” necessarily I realized that my way of thinking of people has changed quite drastically. I now cannot help but feel for the people that are around me because I have become aware of the hardships that people face in life.
             We arrived at the home of Santu and Grace around midnight last Wednesday after our plane had been delayed 8 hours. We were exhausted and so was Santu because he had waited 4 hours at the airport for us and he hadn’t eaten since breakfast. His lovely wife Grace dragged herself out of bed so that she could be a polite hostess and make us food. Although we weren’t hungry and the only thing that we wanted to do was sleep we kindly accepted the dhal bhat that she put before us. Santu kept apologizing because we had to sleep on the floor. They had no other place for us to sleep. We woke up to Santu telling us that it was time for us to freshen up and get out to the kitchen for breakfast. It became painfully obvious that this couple was making a lot of sacrifices to have us stay with them.  They were very poor and had a rough time paying $20 a month to rent a room. We decided that it would be best if we found other arrangements for us despite their hospitality. After they fed us another meal of rice and dhal Santu got us a cab that would take us into the heart of Thamel. I appreciated the hospitality of Grace and Santu. They were some of the nicest Christian people that I have ever met and I’m pretty sure I have never felt such gratitude toward a person in my life. (I will write more about them in another post).
             The first thing we did in Thamel was look for a hotel. It was so easy to find. We simply walked down the street a little ways, turned down this ally, walked up a million flights of stairs, and arrived at Hotel Patala. It was 5 dollars a night (can’t beat that)! We quickly threw our stuff in the room and started roaming around Thamel. Thamel is a city where all the trekkers and tourist come to spend their time. There are rows of shops that line the street level and are full of all kinds of fascinating things. The buildings are all very tall and on every level there is a different type of store. One building could contain a bar, hotel, jewelry shop, coffee shop, and a travel agent office. We literally spent days wandering around Thamel and still hadn’t seen everything. The first day was amazing and we simply just enjoyed the beauty of being tourists (by the way, one of the weirdest things was seeing white people again. Heather, Lauren, and I were flipping out). 
             The next day we woke up and decided to move to another hotel. Hotel Patal had a lot of cockroaches and the windows didn’t close all the way making the room unbearably cold. It was then that we found the hotel that we would stay at the rest of the time (besides when we went to Chitwan) it was called Hotel Nana.. we love Hotel Nana. An old man sat at the front desk and he was always so happy to see us he told us to “always remember Hotel Nana” when we left. How can you forget a cheap $5 a night hotel? The ally way beside our hotel had a spa on the lower level and they had a lovely package deal. So we spent about $15 to have a massage (not as lovely as it sounds). I was in the middle of getting my foot rubbed when I stopped enjoying my “tourist time” and I started thinking. I was laying on my stomach so I really couldn’t see the lady who was giving me the massage and I began to wonder what her life was like. She probably lived outside of Thamel where poverty was just as evident as it was in Bangladesh. Then I started thinking of all the shopkeepers that we had spent time with the day before. All of them were trying to rip us off but we thought it was fun to haggle with them. They were all very nice and friendly but I had already forgotten that I was in an extremely poor part of the country. Hardly any of them believe in Jesus (Santu had previously told me that there are only 9,000 SDA’s in Nepal). I suppose that is were the “guilt” started to leak in.
             It honestly didn’t make me not enjoy my time as a tourist in Nepal but it opened my eyes to what was really happening around me. Instead of being the tourist that came and didn’t pay attention to the poor children running around the streets I decided to befriend them. There was this one kid who was climbing into this temple area because there was money on the ground. He was struggling to get through the gate and his pants were falling down most of the time. When he finally managed to get in he jumped and ended up landing on his bum instead of his feet. He made me laugh so hard that I decided that I should tip him. I dug in my bag for some loose coins and handed them to him. I’m pretty sure it made his day. There was another kid that I met and attempted to communicate with. He said something that sounded like the word “chocolate” (in these countries chocolate just refers to the general term of candy). I asked him if he wanted Chocolate and he smiled back at me. We skipped across this beautiful courtyard where the fertility temple was and I handed him some money. He went and bought two pieces of candy and brought back the change. I couldn’t help but smile because most kids just beg for stuff and they aren’t considerate enough to bring back anything extra.  
             Instead of just feeling guilty I decided to embrace being a tourist in Nepal. I enjoyed the food, spas, elephant rides, sights, and chocolate (that we probably ate to much of) but I didn’t forget that the people of Nepal are suffering and need help. Being in Nepal made me want to help the people there and show them who Jesus Christ is. I want to go back someday and help the people of Nepal. They are really deserving people.

(this is just a part of my adventures in Nepal. Lauren, Heather, and I did so much and I probably can’t include it all but I will post a few more blogs about Nepal over the next few days. Nepal is a very cheap and wonderful place and I suggest that everyone go there if the opportunity presents itself!) 

Who Has the Heart? (The Last Three Months)

         My purpose for being here started out with a selfish motive. Even when I think about the first 3 months here I call them “my adventure.” Everything was always about my experience in Bangladesh.  Right before I left for Nepal God smacked me on the head with this overwhelming love for the kids. It started when I was going to Bob and Kerri’s house to get something and I heard my name being yelled from the girl’s room. Instead of continuing to do the many things that I had planned I decided to bum around with a few of the older girls. Later that night I sat in their room and attempted to color while I had 3 girls sitting on my lap and one pulling at my hair trying to braid. I just wanted to stay in that moment and enjoy it forever (despite how much my head hurt from them pulling). I didn’t care about always having an exciting adventure. I was finally content with the simplicity of wasting time with my kids. Not even a week in Nepal sounded better than that.
             The morning that we took off for Nepal we were outside loading the van in the dark (it was around 6 am). While we were busy getting ready I began to hear Joni across the campus, “Chantel, don’t go!” How I wished I could stay with her. Before we left we had about 15 kids with no jackets on determined to stay outside until we had left. They had woken up early just to be with us for a few precious minutes. 
             As we drove away my mind wandered to what it would be like when I left for good. That will be so difficult! The feelings and emotions that I felt made me determined that the last three months would not be like the first. The next three months are all going to be wasting time with the kids.
             Kakoli and Tisha have started calling me “mother.” It doesn’t mean that I am the only “mother” that they have (they also call Shati and the other caregivers their mom). What it means is that I have become a woman in their life that they love more deeply than I can even comprehend. As a result of the kind of love they show me, I can’t help but love them more than I thought possible. I think about holding them and kissing their cheeks and it brings me great joy.
             My favorite quote is found in the book Steps to Christ when Mrs. White is talking to Christian people about their relationship with Jesus. She asks them, “Who has the heart? With whom are our thoughts? Of whom do we love to converse? Who has our warmest affections and our best energies? If we are Christ’s, our thoughts are with him and our sweetest thoughts are of Him. All we have and are is consecrated to Him. We long to bear His image, breathe his spirit, do his will, and please Him in all things” (page 57).  If Christ has our heart it results in this selfless love pouring out to other people. When I read that quote I can think of many things that have had my heart in the past. None of them were good things that brought me joy. Now, I choose for God to have my heart and as a result the  weirdest thing has happened. I can say that not only Jesus has my heart but the children at Bangla Hope do to. They have my hearts, thoughts, warmest affections, and my best energies. The last three months are all about them!  

(As you can tell I have arrived back from Nepal safely. I will be writing a blog soon so that you can know about some of the adventures that I had while I was gone. I wrote this blog entry while I was away from the kids. Last night I was finally reunited with them and it was the most joyful moment I’ve had in a while. My love for them grows everyday).