The thought of leaving seems impossible. When I think of going home my mind cannot even fathom how I will cope with the loss of my kids. I feel like I will be a parent who is ripped away from their child… never to see them again. I know that that sounds very dramatic but after spending everyday with them for the last few months I cannot help but feel love for them. What hurts more is thinking of how it will hurt the kids when I leave. God has really taught me how to love here. I’ll try to explain/share just a piece of the love that embraces this campus.
The new missionaries are here and it has been quite humorous to watch their overwhelmed faces as the little girls attack their hair and use them as a jungle gym. The look of panic on their faces is a mirror image of what I was like when I first arrived. In all honesty, saying goodnight to the older girls could be compared to climbing into a cage of monkeys who have neither fear of humans nor any consideration of your comfort zones. My girls sometimes overwhelm me but I’ve just learned to say goodnight and go to the boys room (boys are so much easier)!
In my head I refer to the boys room as the “Land of the Sliding Kangaroos.” All of the boys have kangaroos (aka footy pajamas). The adorable part about that is that there aren’t enough boy kangaroos to go around so a few of the boys run around in bright pink girly kangaroos and don’t even think twice about it. They are hyper like the girls but all their energies are focused on running as fast as they can and then sliding across the concrete floor. Joseph ran up to me one day and with excitement written all over his face he said, “Look Chantel, sliding kangaroos!” Of course the best part of saying goodnight to the boys is I get a million kisses on my cheeks, forehead, nose, chin, and the occasional sneaker on the lips. We aren’t supposed to really kiss them on the lips but if they sneak one in I just exclaim, “OH NO, you got me!” This reaction has caused all of them to try and kiss me on the lips.
When I’m not getting goodnight kisses I am being told how much I am loved. The boys will come up and say, “Chantel, I love you…12, 96, 45, 2000, 50, 34.” It doesn’t really make much sense but they are just throwing out big numbers that in their brain means that they love you A LOT! They have become more creative about saying I love you. They have decided to say something that they think is amazing. For example: “I love you candy.” You should have heard all of the things that they use. I just tell them, “I love you pie,” for those of you who know me well you know that that is the most I can love someone hahah.
I was trying to imagine what it would be like to be home and to finally have some alone time. For a while I was really looking forward to being alone for the first time in half a year but now I have a feeling that I will just cry. What would it be like to not always be holding a child’s hand or kissing the cheeks of all my kids? What will I do when I can no longer visit the Land of Sliding Kangaroos or have 7 monkeys on top of me at the same time?
When I was having a hard time at the beginning of my stay I felt like God told me I was here to learn about his Love. Now that I have learned a fraction of what that Love is like, how can I just get on a plane and never look back? These are the things that have been running around in my brain as I see that I only have 2 months left here. I suppose this is another point in my life where I have to rest in the comfort of Proverbs 3:5.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and he will make your paths straight.”
I’m not understanding..
but I’m trusting.
The new missionaries are here and it has been quite humorous to watch their overwhelmed faces as the little girls attack their hair and use them as a jungle gym. The look of panic on their faces is a mirror image of what I was like when I first arrived. In all honesty, saying goodnight to the older girls could be compared to climbing into a cage of monkeys who have neither fear of humans nor any consideration of your comfort zones. My girls sometimes overwhelm me but I’ve just learned to say goodnight and go to the boys room (boys are so much easier)!
In my head I refer to the boys room as the “Land of the Sliding Kangaroos.” All of the boys have kangaroos (aka footy pajamas). The adorable part about that is that there aren’t enough boy kangaroos to go around so a few of the boys run around in bright pink girly kangaroos and don’t even think twice about it. They are hyper like the girls but all their energies are focused on running as fast as they can and then sliding across the concrete floor. Joseph ran up to me one day and with excitement written all over his face he said, “Look Chantel, sliding kangaroos!” Of course the best part of saying goodnight to the boys is I get a million kisses on my cheeks, forehead, nose, chin, and the occasional sneaker on the lips. We aren’t supposed to really kiss them on the lips but if they sneak one in I just exclaim, “OH NO, you got me!” This reaction has caused all of them to try and kiss me on the lips.
When I’m not getting goodnight kisses I am being told how much I am loved. The boys will come up and say, “Chantel, I love you…12, 96, 45, 2000, 50, 34.” It doesn’t really make much sense but they are just throwing out big numbers that in their brain means that they love you A LOT! They have become more creative about saying I love you. They have decided to say something that they think is amazing. For example: “I love you candy.” You should have heard all of the things that they use. I just tell them, “I love you pie,” for those of you who know me well you know that that is the most I can love someone hahah.
I was trying to imagine what it would be like to be home and to finally have some alone time. For a while I was really looking forward to being alone for the first time in half a year but now I have a feeling that I will just cry. What would it be like to not always be holding a child’s hand or kissing the cheeks of all my kids? What will I do when I can no longer visit the Land of Sliding Kangaroos or have 7 monkeys on top of me at the same time?
When I was having a hard time at the beginning of my stay I felt like God told me I was here to learn about his Love. Now that I have learned a fraction of what that Love is like, how can I just get on a plane and never look back? These are the things that have been running around in my brain as I see that I only have 2 months left here. I suppose this is another point in my life where I have to rest in the comfort of Proverbs 3:5.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and he will make your paths straight.”
I’m not understanding..
but I’m trusting.
amen. I can't even fathom what that feels like, but thank you for sharing your heart.
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